It’s kind of strange, but I hadn’t even realized I was in an abusive relationship, but when my husband died, the first thing my mom said to me when she came up to help was, “At least now the emotional abuse will stop.”

She could see it happening looking in from the outside, but I was too inside the relationship to see it. I just assumed he was right and I was doing something wrong.

He never hit me, but he would throw things — dishes, my books, whatever he was currently angry about. He actually bought me a set of Armatelle (fake pewter — safe to eat from) plates and bowls so they couldn’t get broken after he’d destroyed 2 or 3 sets of dishes.

All I can say now 17 years later is thank goodness neither family got involved. There was no choosing sides going on, just me putting up with it not knowing I shouldn’t need to. I guess I’m lucky he died when our son was only 3.