Boiling inside

Something’s boiling inside of me. The moment I set aside my phone, turn off the TV and close the lid off of my laptop I can feel it move. I can’t put a finger on it. I don’t even know what it is. Its like when you walk down a road in the dark and hear something in the bushes. Deep inside of me something moves. I don’t know what. All I know is I don’t like that feeling. By the time I process this, unconsciously I have picked my phone and mindlessly I am looking at pictures of puppies on Instagram.

Lately, I can’t sit alone doing nothing at all. As soon as my sensory organs stop receiving something, anything that entertains my mind, it riles up. Like a rash child, it shouts, it throws tantrums, it wants something, anything that will keep it busy. Anything that will make it ‘not be not doing something’. It calms down as I turn on a shitty YouTube vlog about a guy reviewing a bottle opener.

I think I am not the only one. This is a real problem in our generation. Millennials as we call ourselves. Our brains are like zombies now. They are awake and operational perpetually. But not in a good way. Not in a mindful way. We dont notice all our thoughts. We are not present in the moment. We dont feel everything in that moment. Instead like a zombie our brain is hungry for information. Any kind of information. Let it even be total crap. Facebook news, instagram feeds, YouTube vlogs, reddit and list goes on.

Ask yourself, while reading last three paragraphs how many times did you switch to some other app or website, answered a call or a text or just simply zoned out? Yes! There it is.

Let’s do this exercise. Try something with me if you can. Just keep aside all your gadgets, turn off your TV and stop talking to anyone. Just for next two minutes, close your eyes and sit. Also, do not check time to see if its two minutes. Try and observe what goes on in your mind. Mentally record those thoughts.

Did something move inside of you too? Was the state of your mind a nice, warm and happy? Or did you feel something building up? Like pot of milk boiling and about to spill out, made you open your eyes in a rush to kill the flame?

Its terrifying really! Its scary that we can’t simply be with ourselves. Few minutes of silence builds up such an intense wave of boredom, stress and anxiety that we are compelled to reinvest our attention into some bullshit activity. This is just like a substance abuser begging for ‘some’ and a person with eating disorder frantically searching for candy. This is a big problem and we need to acknowledge it.

I have been observing, studying and researching about this topic for a quite a while now. And from now onward, with this blog I will be writing short articles about my journey towards achieving a healthy mind.

Considering the short attention span of my generation, I will keep the articles short, to the point and fun to read.

Till next time.