Crazy for ya

In the heat of the moment I think about calling you. Calling your phone, your name, you back. Whenever I’m afraid of standing by myself I run to you in thoughts. When I’m scared, running to you, through you, back to you seems to be the only rational choice to make. Sometimes I dream about you running back to me and it makes me wanna to wash the desert with tears until them reach you and wash away me. I lose myself to you in memories, in fantasies. I wish you weren’t in my head like that presence that would never vannish within time. I smoke myself completely and hope to vanish, like there was no me to begin. I crave your presence through people I know and used to be familiar with. The sadness of with all its because they seem so shallow and lacking your gory bits. I miss even your slightest flaws that I could never point out in a discussion. I miss you and the way you made me feel through years. I miss you missing and needing me. Regarding me and taking care of me. I miss giving in completely towards you so I wouldn’t face myself.