The Projection Mirror: Trauma Defense Mechanisms

Have you ever been in position, after having had a discussion or argument with someone, where you’ve been left with the nagging thought ‘actually that wasn’t about me?’.

It sucks right?

You’re left with an emotional hangover because your brain is trying desperately to work out what the heck happened, what was factually accurate and what was seemingly just projectile vomited all over you (sorry — but it really can feel this bad).

Either way, you’re left with the sensation of a pretty unfair transaction.

Sounds gross right but the hint is in the above metaphor — ‘projectile vomited at you’.

Yes, you could well have been at the receiving end of projection.

Projection, some of you will ask — what the heck is projection?!

Well, once again ask me this a few years ago and I admittedly wouldn’t have had a clue. Now I fully get what it is like to be both receiving and donating end of projection and its important that we create real awareness of this, since relationally it’s goddamn toxic.

So — the formal breakdown to projection, in formal terms. My new best friend Wikipedia states:

Psychological projection is a defense mechanism in which the human ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude. It incorporates blame shifting.

So, yes, your gut feeling may be right — if someone is projecting on you, they are wholeheartedly transferring, albeit perhaps unknowingly, their fears and insecurities on to you. After all, it’s much easier to do this than to acknowledge a real fear, or something they consider lacking / unattractive within themselves.

Projection is a highly effective defense mechanism and can be used in all relationships but is compounded further when associated with trauma and denial.

It is based on the principal that if you project something to others, you see it somewhere in yourself, even if unprepared to admit it.

I mean why carry the burden when you can dish it out to someone else!?

I’m going to highlight some examples to show instances where projection may be occurring:

Neurotic Projection: the most common type of projection..

· He’s out to get me

· She is cruel

· He’s cheating on me

· What an ugly person

· She hates me

· They’ve got anger issues

· I don’t trust them

· You need to try harder

· She puts me on edge

· They’re so disorganized

· He is weak

· She’s unpopular

· She’s jealous of me

· He’s lazy and inadequate

· They drive like a lunatic

· Those people behave outrageously

In this type of projection, you attribute the fear and concerns you dislike personally on to the identity of another person. Let the blame game commence!

Our ego is more than able to recognize our own inadequacies and fears, but since this isn’t an appealing prospect, we instead use our projection of these thoughts / beliefs / sentiments to others to effectively distance ourselves and so make the concern(s) more acceptable to us, hence manageable.

Complementary Projection: This is based on assumption that the other person feels as you do and has the same opinions as you. Examples follow:

· Well, of course, you know what she’s like

· That family have never been any good

· Politics now is a joke

· The school is the best in the area

· It was a remarkable piece of work

Complimentary Projection: This assumes that someone else can do things as well as you can. For example, swimming, writing, playing an instrument, etc.

The consensus is that projection is, in the main, a way to deflect attention from that which we consider uncomfortable to accept personally.

Consider the wife who accuses her husband repeatedly of being unfaithful or having a wandering eye, when she herself may be considering adultery.

The woman accusing her friends of being unreliable and unsupportive, when she herself may be feeling unreliable and unsupportive in these relationships.

The school bully accusing his victim of being unpopular, weak, stupid when in fact, he feels this way about himself.

Wow — what a powerful deterrent / distraction, on just about on every level!

I’m sure you get the gist.

So, how do you know if someone is projecting on you?

This isn’t straight forward and much of it is about keeping an alert, open mind and questioning your own assessment, gut feeling and response.

The right answer seems to be that if you are suspicious that someone is projecting on you, then its more than likely that they are!

Equally tricky can be acknowledging when we ourselves are projecting on someone, something we usually do subconsciously, with little or no awareness — a realization of this can come with an uncomfortable truth and admittance of some of our own ‘issues’. It is of course, much easier and palatable for us to play the victim than acknowledge the fault may lie closer to home — i.e. with ourselves.

Liken it to holding up a very large mirror — because that, in many regards, is exactly what is happening in the case of projection. It’s an expertly used defense mechanism, serving us well (at the time).

In context of trauma, projection can be complexly intertwined with reenactment –for example, take the woman who was consistently and cruelly verbally abused by an ex-partner. She may then unintentionally project that behaviour and her thoughts around it to someone else in her life — perhaps her child or even a new partner.

Consider here our need to deflect and in the case of reenactment, our need to gravitate to that which is considered familiar, therefore safe and within our control — even if less than healthy for all concerned.

These behaviours are often learned and where trauma is concerned, accompanied by the sentiment they and indeed our survival, depend on it. It can be a complex web to untangle.

So how do we go about breaking the projection problem?

Based on my own experiences I would suggest that the only way to address projection, as with all defense mechanisms, is to acknowledge it, accept it and via one of the many different therapies available, work on correcting it — to consciously break the cycle.

This can only happen via effective, honest and trusted connection.

Remember, we are always #strongertogether.