Stand-Up Comedy: Tips for your First Time
Tips for all the funny people, weirdos, and class clowns who want to perform stand-up comedy for the first time.
Whenever I tell someone I’m a comedian, ninety percent of the time they say something like; “everyone tells me I should do comedy”, “I would probably be good at that because my brain is just so weird”, or “I’ve got some jokes for your next skit.”
Stand-up comedy can be intimidating and figuring out how to get on stage the first time can be damn near impossible, so I decided to write a short “comedy class” on how to do stand-up comedy for the first time.
Write 3–5 Minutes to perform
“But my mind is just like, so messed up and dark, if I just go up there and talk it’s gonna be funny.” — Every guy who is about to eat shit their first time on stage.
I know, I know. You are a comedic genius and every word you’ve ever said is funny. I get it. You always make your friends laugh. You don’t write those jokes down and you hardly ever steal jokes from a comedy special you saw last Saturday. You still need to write.
I’ve had so many people ask for advice on performing the first time and somehow this is always the most highly debated advice I give.
Comics write. A lot of time it seems like they are just making it up as they go along, but every comedy special you’ve seen was written down. Great comedians can make it seem like they are telling a joke for the first time when in reality it’s the 500th time.
The easiest way to do this is to write 3 minutes of jokes. Most open mics will give you 4–5 minutes, so after you’ve done those 3 minutes of jokes you can wing it from there if you really want to, but come somewhat prepared. It will be a lot less stressful.
Personally, I would find out how long an open mic set is in my city (differs by city) and try to write 1 minute less than the time. Allowing an extra minute gives you a cushion in case you forget what you are going to say or have to pause for a big laugh (doesn’t usually happen on your first time, but hell, maybe you’re a prodigy).
If you have a minute left (you will know because a host will shine a light at you) and you want to say more, GO FOR IT (as long as more is less than a minute)! If you are ready to get the hell out of there, say “thank you” and go home and celebrate if it went well or cry into a bottle of Jack Daniels if it didn’t.
Find an open mic.
“I’ll just put on my own show, invite my friends and family, and talk for 30 minutes” — Guy whose friends and family will never watch him do comedy again.
Do not perform on a show before you do an open mic. I know you think it’s going to be great, but you’re going to hate yourself for it within a year. You’re not gonna be funny and all your friends and family will never want to watch you again because the one time they did, you sucked.
In order to get on stage, you need to find an open mic where you can perform. I would strongly suggest going to an open mic that is strictly comedy for your first performance. Nothing is worse than going to an all arts open mic, listening to a poem about someone’s dad dying, and realizing you have to follow that.
Two ways to find Comedy Open Mics in your city
Google Comedy Open Mics in (insert your city here)
- Ex) Comedy Open Mics in Missoula
Facebook search (your city name) comedy
- Ex)Houston Comedy
If you find a group, join it: Post to the group. Be honest. Tell them you are trying to get into stand-up and you’re looking for a place to perform for the first time. Most comics are surprisingly nice.
Optional but encouraged: Go to the open mic and watch a week before you sign up
A lot of the times this can make going up less terrifying. You’ll see a lot of people who suck and hopefully you can suck less than them. It also gives you a chance to know what you’re in for.
Sign Up For the Mic
“I’ll just ask the host if I can go up early.” — Guy who isn’t going to perform at this mic.
Every open mic has a different way to sign up. The most common three are show up sign up, online sign-up, and lottery style.
- Show up, Sign up: Just like it sounds, you show up to the venue and sign up on a list. Most open mics will put the list out thirty minutes before hand. I would suggest getting there thirty minutes before the list comes out (an hour before the show). If you get there right when the list drops, you will most likely be way back on the list.
- Online Sign Up: Typically this means you send an email or fill out a Google Form to sign up. The list is typically written to the host’s liking, so if you’re new you won’t get a great spot.
- Lottery Style: You show up and put your name in a bucket. Sometimes they draw all the names in a random order, so you don’t know when you’re going up. Other times, they draw a certain number of random names and then cap it (no one else goes up).
Remember, if it sucks, that’s not a big deal. Lots of sets are gonna suck that night. Some great comics are gonna have shitty sets. Just tell your jokes.
Side Note: I was asked by a comic to add something about “bumps” at an open mic. Bumps are when a host lets a comic who isn’t signed up jump in front of someone on the list. This is normal. In a perfect world, the host is allowing this because the comic is good and is going to bring up the energy in the room. This isn’t always the case. Try not to get frustrated. Typically a bump will happen every 5–7 comics at an open mic. Sometimes it happens a lot less and sometimes it happens a lot more. Please do not asked to be bumped if it’s your first time. you will embarrass yourself. Also, try not to get frustrated if you get bumped. I understand how it seems unfair, but that’s how it works. I could post an entire article on bumps at mics, but for now know it happens and try not to be too pissed about it.
Optional but encouraged: Don’t Drink!
This is mainly for people who think they really want to pursue stand-up. If you are just doing it once to tick it off your bucket list, then get sloshed! Throw up on stage! Black out and mumble!
However, if you want to get good at comedy I would strongly suggest performing sober for two reasons.
1. You can focus on your mistakes and learn from them
2. Most comedy happens in bars. If you perform comedy 5–7 nights a week, you don’t want to start thinking you need to drink every time you perform. You will be a broke borderline alcoholic (I know this because I was the broke borderline alcoholic).
Tips moving forward
If you survive your first time on stage and realize this is your dream, here are some helpful tips moving forward.
- Audio record all your sets and LISTEN TO THEM!!
Sometimes it’s hard to know why a joke didn’t work. Record every set, listen to it (it sucks at first but you get over that quickly), note what works and what doesn’t work. Try to be better.
- Don’t do new jokes every time you’re on stage.
I used to do this, thinking that I would write a new five minutes every week. It’s not impossible, but you aren’t going to get a lot better this way. Listen to your first set; did every joke suck? Then write new jokes. Did one or two jokes do okay? Write down those jokes. How can you make them funnier. Repeat this until you have a solid five minutes that is reliable, then start writing a new five.
- Don’t throw out anything you write:
Writing is easy when you are new because you have so much to pull from. However, you will experience writer’s block. Usually, when I can’t think of anything to write, I go back to my old journals. Sometimes a joke sucks until you rewrite it 3 years later. One of my best jokes right now is a joke I wrote in my first 3 months that sucked at the time.
