Giving up power for thirty days

I’m afraid I’ve become power-hungry; first came the victory of successfully founding what has been recognized as a real group; then came the amazing responses at concerts; the new members, the website, the photos, the arrangements, the future.

But it’s made me temperamental and self-centered, unable to trust others’ judgement. It’s made me catty and gossipy, nervous and anxious and commanding, unfocused and selfish, and blind. Everything bad in my personality, I choose to blame on this one scapegoat: power.

I cast it off. For the next thirty days — from today, November 11th 2013 until December 11th 2013, I will make no decisions. I will not voice opinions about music theory or arranging, direction or vision, approval or disapproval. I will not discuss or work on music outside of practice; I will not listen to songs with intent to arrange. If you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail: I will not wield that hammer. I will do what is asked of me in practice and no more. I will give up this power for thirty days.

I do this because I want to see what changes. If it makes me happier, nicer, more compassionate; if it makes the group better, stronger, more flexible; if it makes my friends happier, more willing to be around me.

If the outcome is positive, I will remain here.