5 Valuable Lessons Derived from the Dark Side of Leadership
I have been a natural born leader all my life, and what they don’t tell you, is that leadership is just as ugly as it is beautiful.
On the playground, I always tried to make the rules of every game. I was never happy with following my peers in anything. Although I was liked, my stubborn qualities alienated me from having any close friendships as a child. I thought it was because I wasn’t a “good” person.
As I got older, my questionable social decisions continued. I had always “led the pack” and had the answer to every question. This didn’t translate well in the adult world. I was knocked on my ass time and time again, only to find another wave of disappointment as I stood back up.
It wasn’t until I reached the age of 23, when I lead my first team of adults on a project, that I discovered what all the tribulation was for, and what I had become.
Some leaders are born, and some are made.
I am both.
I now am responsible for leading 25 individuals on a day-to-day basis. The leadership qualities I have developed are invaluable to me as an entrepreneur, and I want to share the things I have never been taught, but learned by fire.
1.) Leadership is disappointing people at a rate that they can stand.
There will always be tough decisions to make, and with every decision comes disappointment from one side of the situation. You will never make everyone happy, but their happiness should never be your first priority. If it is, you will always be disappointed yourself. The first priority is your team’s well-being. You must make sure, above all else, that they are able to live and learn. Their longevity takes precedent over their short-term happiness. You must find out how much disappointment each individual can take, and dance that thin line to maximize growth.
2.) Everything is the leaders’ fault.
You must have the strongest heart on the team. You will learn the only proper dynamic is a balance of confidence and humility. You must be humble enough to reflect all praise and confident enough to accept all blame. When a team member does something incredible, the credit is all theirs. True leaders know that giving all the praise to a team member for good work will encourage the team member to take it upon themselves to to build upon that momentum. In comparison, when a team member is in the wrong, you must understand that you are just as much to blame for the problem as they are. True leaders also know that it is their responsibility to give their team the right tools to succeed on a moment-to-moment basis. If they do not succeed, no matter the reason, you have not fully empowered them to do so.
3.) It is not selfish of you to “eat first.” It is selfish of you to take care of others before you take care of yourself.
This is a lesson hard-learned. We are taught we must give. We are taught if we take, we are selfish. People in leadership roles cannot let the emotional attachment to this idea control their resources. If you do not put yourself in the best possible position, you will not have the clarity to make the best possible decisions for your team. We all know the story in the Bible about teaching a man to fish rather than giving him fish for a day. None of this would be effective if the fisherman did not eat his fish first, to have the strength to teach and catch for as long as necessary. Another good analogy is the airplane emergency situation procedures. If the plane starts to fall and the oxygen masks drop, you must put your own mask on first, even if you are sitting beside an infant. You are not useful to anyone in that moment if you are dead. Putting your own mask on first gives you oxygen, and the clarity to make proper decisions for the well-being of those around you.
4.) You must learn to accept the pain sacrifice entails.
This is a two-sided statement. I don’t only mean personal sacrifice, but learning to be OK with sacrificing one for the good of the many. Firing or letting someone go from a team is one of the most difficult tasks young leaders face. This is why it is so important you sacrifice your personal feelings when building a strong team. You must remain close to them, building a strong network of bonding and cooperation, all the while distancing yourself just enough so that you are able to drop the axe if necessary. This becomes painful after a while, especially if your team is in the same age range as you. No matter how much you like, love, and respect a team member, you can not allow them to bring your team down in any way. The greater good always takes precedent over the feelings of one. You must balance bonding with your team and leading them. Oftentimes, there isn’t room for both.
5.) Oddly enough, true leaders know their lack of resources is their greatest tool for survival.
Young entrepreneurs often make the mistake of making funding a top priority in any new business, not realizing that their lack of funding could be their greatest asset. Often times, a lack of resources forces you to be creative, and allows you to find solutions to problems and different ways of doing things that you may have never been able to see if you had an abundance of resources. It is easy for young entrepreneurs with plenty of funding to throw money at their problems until they are fixed. However, money can run out, but problems do not. If you are forced to be creative, you develop skills that ensure your survival when resources are low. This same principal applies to leaders across the board. It is ok to seek additional resources, but do not get hung up on them. You must develop your creative ability to solve problems without additional resources. Oftentimes leaders are paralyzed when they feel they can’t get the help they need. They use a lot of energy searching for external assistance, when they could use that energy finding a better solution in that organ between their ears. Creativity is one of the most underrated tools of a leader. Be proud when you are forced to develop it.
