Russia is the Worst Thing to Happen to the Resistance

Nope, no there isn’t Keith

Per the Congressional Budget Office, the American Healthcare Act will insure 23 million less people than the Affordable Care Act would by 2026. In a few years Paul Ryan will be eating Wisconsin cheese curd over your grandmother’s grave while telling reporters the President has the Constitutional right to fire every employee of the CBO because they know how to do math. Fuck Paul Ryan forever.

But Russia.

Donald Trump recently told Rodrigo Duterte he was doing a “great job” on fighting drug use in the Philippines. “Many countries have the problem, we have a problem, but what a great job you are doing and I just wanted to call and tell you that.” Duterte’s campaign has killed 7,000 people so far, because the only good drug user is a dead drug user murdered by an extra-judicial death squad. Great job! With Jeff Sessions as our Attorney General, we can look forward to Trump implementing a similar policy by 2019. Fuck Jeff Sessions forever.

But Russia.

Speaking of Jeff Sessions –whose hatred of drugs surpasses his hatred for black people — we can all thank him for returning us to the golden age of the 1980s, where drug use is worse than assault, and robbery, and sometimes murder under mandatory-minimum sentences. Republicans don’t like this policy. Democrats don’t like this policy. It doesn’t matter though, because Jeff Sessions has not evolved his thinking past Jim Crow. Fuck state-sponsored racism forever.

But Russia.

The President’s proposed budget, based off a $2 trillion math mistake, would annihilate nearly every rung of the country that voted for Trump. The wealthy will get $5.5 trillion in tax cuts, Medicaid will be cut by 28 percent when Paul Ryan’s screw-the-poor health care plan is also considered, and the plan eviscerates the budget for food stamps, and education, and transportation, and anything else you might need if you’re not wealthy. Middle America is going to get crushed, but because they don’t listen to the lyin’ liberal media, they’ll blame immigrants for their woes. Fuck Mark Levin forever.

But Russia.

The GOP candidate for the House in Montana just body slammed a reporter. This would be surprising if Donald Trump wasn’t under investigation for inciting violence at rallies, or if he hadn’t threatened media access to his Presidency, or if Corey Lewandowski wasn’t a real person. Fuck Greg Gianforte forever.

But Russia.

The propaganda wing of the Presidency — also known as the channel your drunk uncle who says “snowflake” watches — retracted a conspiracy theory that Seth Rich was murdered for leaking information to Wikileaks. Their retraction means nothing in the face of the fact that they actually reported it. Your drunk uncle still wants to lock Hillary Clinton up for murdering Seth Rich. Fuck Sean Hannity forever.

But Russia.

The Democrats have co-opted and stagnated the Resistance because they can’t find a coherent philosophy outside of the failed neoliberalism that helped lead to Donald Trump. Instead, they have made you believe that, very soon, there will be an audio leak of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin farting on a copy of the Constitution. Meanwhile, Paul Ryan is relegating your friends and family to death because they can’t pay for health insurance, our President is endorsing death squads, drug reform has been set back 40 years by a racist Keebler elf, the proposed budget would be rejected by Scrooge McDuck as too harsh, free speech is under systematic attack, and half our country gets its news from the reporting equivalent of your high school yearbook.

But Russia.

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