Is Gossip Good For Your Health?
How A Bad Habit Can Be Helpful.
I liken gossip to my favorite dessert, a hot fudge sundae lava cake. It’s so gratifying, tasty, rich and feels orgasmic as I devour it…yes, all of it! But not even five minutes after, I find myself, eyes glazed, staring at that empty bowl as the words, “Why Did I Do That?” echo through my mind.
I admit, dishing the latest “Who did what, why, where and when?” can be yummy, engaging, productive in society and…fun! Entire industries are built around gossip. One study shows that our brains actually get off on gossip similar to when having sex. Did I mention, it’s fun? For many, gossiping is as natural as breathing and often a surefire way to get something off our chests. We have a surplus of information and a digital buffet of platforms with which to share it i.e. tweeting, texting, DM, Snap, post, poke, smoke signals and more.
Like my euphoric sugar high, there is also a low…ok, crash. Gossip can erode relationships, distance us from others and worse. Yet, it can give us relief when something is said and we discover that others feel the same. “You think (blank) is an incompetent jerk too?” Score!! It’s not only negative news either. Sharing an announcement like “Guess who’s preggers?” can be a celebration. So what to do with this mixed bag and how can gossip be helpful?
Tip #1: Expressing Self-Empathy.
Back to my lava cake. As I sat there, I was ultimately able to give myself understanding / empathy for what led me to eat that mountain of sugary bliss. Upon taking time to slow down, I realized I wanted joy, delight, satisfaction and was willing to risk the crash.
Although I regret eating, all right, inhaling that meal-sized treat, I got connected with what led me to choose what I chose. This self-empathy can be very healing. Knowing this allows me to find other less costly ways to express my values next time. Will I never eat that cake again? Please! (I’m eating one as I write this blog….Joking). My point? Gossip can be healthy if I’m willing to search and identify what was so valuable for me behind doing or sharing what I did.
The next time you find yourself “data sharing”, by either ingesting or expressing gossip that you later feel not-so-great about, I invite you to ask yourself what values may have moved you to express what you did. Maybe fairness, respect or consideration are important to you and talking about how Khloe Kardashian or your favorite celeb did XY or Z triggered you. It’s frustrating because if you were in their shoes you so would have acted differently. Having this sort of internal talk with ourselves can be very therapeutic.
Tip #2: Having a Confidant vs. Complain-Accomplice.
As a personal confidant, I make a living listening to people. I’m that safe, secure, wi-fi connection where clients can download sensitive information, vent and express their inner thoughts. When it comes to gossip, having someone who can listen empathically is key. This means, I don’t fuel the flames in what I’m hearing. I merely listen with as much compassion as possible. Gossip goes toxic, however, when we feed it to what I call Complain-Accomplices, those who will commiserate and sympathize with what you share. This is when that sugar crash turns to heartburn and disdain.
I’m aware that, to follow the age old saying, “Hurt people, hurt people.” I’m not blind or deaf to a clear mean-streak in social media and world. For me, gossip is a tragic way we offload our collective pain as humans. I get it. This post is in no way is an exhaustive discussion around gossip and whether it should exist, but an exploration of how it can be responded to in as healthy a way as possible.
Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear how you define gossip and handle it too.
Can gossip ever be helpful for you and those in your life? If so, what do you imagine is important for you in sharing or hearing those yummy tabloid-teasing details, often with a tempting cherry on top?
