And I Still Love Her

It’s mid July 2014
Myrtle Beach is abnormally clean
The sun is beating down on me
Luke is passed out
Ryan aproaches a group of girls
Casey sits next to me
I’m 12 beers deep
Ryan is playing a game with the girls
They need another partner
Ryan volunteers me
I get up to join
I notice one of the girls
Our eyes meet
She’s reading a Steinbeck novel
I fall in love
We spend the night together
We have sex
We lay on the beach till the sun comes up
We start "hanging out"

She lives 2 hours away
I put so many miles on my truck
I’m in love, she isn’t
It’s difficuclt but we make it work
She gets drunk and wants to fuck
I want to make love
I tell her no
I’m wanting more but she doesnt
She says it’s too hard with the distance
I was mature about it
I gave her space
She calls me 2 weeks later
She misses me
We start dating

Flash forward 
6 months
20,000 miles
4 oil changes
230 cups of coffee
6 sick days

We're having friends over for dinner
I grilled steaks and made wilted lettuce
She made bread, soup, and patatotoes
I brought 2 quarts of moonshine
She had 3 bottles of wine and 24 beers
Our friends brought 2 12 packs
I get drunk
I smoked a ciggarette with my friend
She didn't like me smoking
I had quit
She starts a fight
I go to bed

Its 5 in the morning
She’s waking me up
She went through my phone
I told her never to do that
I have my personal writting in there
She finds 2 texts
I have called her bitch on one
The other was to a girl 6 months ago
We "weren’t dating"
Those where her words
I get furious
She tries to start a fight
She calls me pathetic
I want to leave
She should have let me leave

She's blocking the door
I'm called a piece of shit for 10 minutes
I can't take it anymore
She won't let me leave
I punch a hole through her door
She starts yelling more
"This is my house not yours"
She calls me pathetic
I take $547 out of my wallet
Its all I had
I threw it on the ground and walked out
She follows
She keeps asking me if we're breaking up
I don't want to
I just want to leave
I start my truck up
She persist to ask me
I finally say "if that's what you want"
She asks if this means "dueces"
I say I guess it it

I rarely say dueces
Its childish
But thats what a tell a woman when it's over
I make it home
She's called 27 times
I ignored them
Flash forward 2 weeks

She's texted me and wants to talk
I foolishly agree
She tells me she's been miserable
She wants me back
She said she'll fight until I cave in
I told her she would get over it
She did
We still ramianed friends
We talked regularly
And even met back up the next summer at the beach
Last night she sent me a Snapchat

Its her, with another guy
The caption reads "Bae is better than you"
I don’t respond
I’m furious
Even I know that’s low
10 minutes go by
Another picture
I still don’t respond
How did I ever love this girl?
2 months later

She’s single again
He’s left
She calls me
She wants me to come over
I refuse
She tells me I never loved her
I told her I did
She called me a liar
Called me pathetic
Called us a mistake
She’s is a bitch, right?
I still love her

I know
I’m the one who left her
That doesn’t make it any easier
It was just something I HAD to do
I didn’t want to
But I did
She violated my trust
But I still love her
She was/is constantly belittling me
But I still love her
We’re still friends
Dispite her constant insults
And I still love her

Maybe she was right this whole time
I am pathetic…

And I still love her

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