My co-workers don’t get their periods

I would like to preface this article with the fact that I have the deepest respect for transgendered, different gendered, and genderless people. That being said, all peoples discussed in this article are cisgender . Therefore I will use the traditional he/she, female/male pronouns throughout.

I work in a small windowless office with 6, sometimes 7 total, gender born males. Four of them are married to gender-born females, one of them is dating a cis female, and my boss is single — as far as we know. We’ll be getting an additional co-worker, who is transferring from another department, he is a cisgender single male. Why does any of this matter? I’m not sure it does, but at any rate it makes for an interesting work environment. As the room’s only female I quickly adopted the girl-friend, work-mom, work-wife, one-of-the-guys stereotype behavior and title. That means sports talk, discussions about naked GoT characters, ‘get-me-a-sandwich’ references and dick jokes abound. Yeah, yeah I know, feel free to cringe.

I instantly melted into the team dynamics. Being naturally funny, or so I think, I was able to crack jokes like the rest of them. However, and thats a big drawn out however, I noticed there were times when I felt isolated from ‘the gang’. Completely separated from them in my experience.

You see, I am the ketchup bottle in a fridge of fruits. Sure, I’m made from tomatoes (those are fruit ya know), but I’m still different. They’re fruits and I’m a condiment. My experience is different and because of that my interactions with the world are different. I’m a gender-born female, omni-sexual, married to a cis male, mother of three, plus-size, feminist, formerly impoverished person of color. Again, why does any of this matter? It shouldn’t, but it all sort of does. I work as a software developer, in an industry that despite its claims at improving diversity is still an old boy’s club. All of my co-workers are male, affluent, college-educated and straight…of course they’re also white.

I work as a software developer, in an industry that despite its claims at improving diversity is still an old boy’s club. All of my co-workers are male, affluent, college-educated and straight…of course they’re also white.

I like to think that most of them are fairly progressive people, being as they’ve openly spoken about considering themselves as such. Most are liberal, feminist, and a majority were/are Bernie supporters — if that paints a picture. Nevertheless they are, for all intents and purposes, traditional American Men. Men raised in a society that belittles women’s issues and objectifies females from birth.

Now, I’ve never been the subject of harassment via my co-workers. Despite their few misgivings (quick-temper), we all have them, they are good people and wouldn’t ever vocally hurt someone. Or maybe its because I’m a woman that they refrain from certain topics, to avoid sparking my sensitivities. I’m not sure I can really answer that beyond providing some narrative. For instance, any time the issue of weight has come up it has quickly, and obviously, been diverted. Okay, I get that — but is it politeness in our workplace, consideration for my feelings or fear of admonishment that keeps them from truly treating me as an equal in their conversations?

I’m not saying I want them to discuss my weight, there really isn’t room for that in any workplace. What I am saying is that I don’t want to be treated with obvious delicateness. The kind you’d reserve for a picked flower whose petals were soon to fall. I’m a strong person, I can take a joke, and I can also handle a harmless discussion about weight — regardless of my size. Not to mention that awkwardly diverting conversations like this because of my presence, absolutely 100%, hi-lights me as the reason for cessation. It makes things weird for me.

Besides the sometimes off-kilter conversations though, is the general lack of understanding of the female condition. Sure, half of them are married and have witnessed their wives give birth but that doesn’t grant them an intimate understanding of what its like being a woman.

For instance, none of them have their periods. The great and bloody taboo that periods seem to be (Yes, I went there), are perhaps understood by them to some degree but never acknowledged. This is most likely a product of: society, their raising and the most sad of all, the fact that their cis-female partners keep that part of their lives secret. I for one, have tremendously difficult periods. Without getting too deep into my sexual organs and their bloodied history ( I went there again), lets just say that the time of the month for me isn’t pleasant. In fact, sometimes warranting a medical intervention. I bleed, a lot. I’m in pain, a lot. I also suffer from extreme fatigue and nausea and subsequent moodiness. Really though, how could someone not be a little snippy when their body is laying an egg and shit.

These are all things I don’t speak about, aloud. Why? I don’t know. I thought I didn’t really give a shit about freaking them out by something so natural, but subconsciously I do. The monthly week that I spend soaking through pads, getting up every 30 mins (or less) to change, is a nightmare. I experience a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from fear that I’ll bleed through my clothes onto my chair and suffer job-quitting shame. To the embarrassment I already suffer when I have to use the toilet. They have to know whats going on with me, right? Oh gawd they think I have diarrhea don’t they? Well, thats sort of true too. #womenKnowWhatImTalkingBout.

Truth is, they are blissfully unaware of my experience.

Why do I bring this up? Not because I want special treatment at work during that time of month. Well, cupcakes and a heating pad would be nice, but thats not really the point. What is? The fact that we all experience life differently. Our work tasks, home-life, medical conditions, mental health, and the list goes on, are all different. Women have periods, and later menopause, to add to that list. It sucks. Its unavoidable, mostly, and I have nobody to talk about it with.

If I had some lady co-workers, a natural camaraderie would develop between us, maybe our cycles would even sync. We could lend each other tampons and pads and go to lunch together and commiserate about cramps and period poops. Maybe that is all wishful thinking, but I still miss its non-existence.

Until then, I’ll just stuff my face with some Veggie fajitas and bleed by my lonesome.

*** I’ve been told by numerous doctors this is fine, for me, I have an effed up system. If this is happening to you, you should probably seek medical attention.