Why I’ve Started a Website on Premature Ejaculation
My background is in online marketing. I’m neither a sexologist nor a doctor specialized in men’s sexual response. Yet I’ve just launched Premature Ejaculation Help, a patient-oriented website on premature ejaculation (PE). As a lifelong premature ejaculator, I know first hand how PE can negatively impact someone’s sexual, emotional, and relational life. Data suggest that I’m not the only one who saw his quality of life decreased because of his rapid ejaculation.¹ And what does a premature ejaculator do when he’s full of questions about a sexual issue? He asks his best friend of course! So, after my first failed sexual experiences, I turned to Google to help me solve my problem. Ten years later, now that I have way more experience and knowledge on the subject, I’m still not satisfied with Google’s answers on PE related questions. I can summarize the Internet’s take on PE in three different type of websites: the general information pages, the affiliate money-grabbers, and the PE isn’t a problem movement. Here’s what’s bothering me with each one.
General Information Pages
By general information pages, I mean Wikipedia’s Premature Ejaculation entry to generic health sites like Mayo Clinic, WebMD or Medical News Today. They are still the most reliable information source on premature ejaculation right now. If you google “premature ejaculation” you’ll find those pages comfortably sitting in the top results. For most of them, I don’t have any problem with the information that they contain. Since those sites are credible sources when it comes to medical vulgarisation, they are well researched and well written. If someone doesn’t know a thing about premature ejaculation, I would probably send them at one of those pages first.
The problem with general pages on premature ejaculation
Where I think those websites fail, it’s where it comes to giving real actionable ways to treat premature ejaculation. Of course, they list all the possible treatment for PE, but since premature ejaculation is a complex and multicausal condition (that can be subdivided into four different subtypes), it easy to get lost when you’re looking for a solution to your problem. From home-remedies exercises to professional sex-therapy or medication, you may have more questions than answers when you’re done reading a general information page.
To be fair, those sites don’t fail as I’ve mentioned above. They don’t fail because it’s not their job to go into details. And since they don’t go into details and don’t answer the question a premature ejaculator may have, they create openings for our second type: the affiliate money-grabbers.
Do you remember when I said that my background was in online marketing? That makes me particularly careful about any easy money attempts you can find on the internet. Unfortunately, sexual dissatisfaction is a profitable niche for the moneygrubbing online marketers.
For those who don’t know what affiliate marketing is, it’s a way to promotes some products where an e-commerce website offers a percentage of a sale to another site who refer the traffic. Amazon runs the most popular affiliate program out here. Amazon will give you a small portion of a transaction if the sale happens right after someone clicked on an Amazon link on your website.
I have nothing against affiliate marketing. It can be an excellent way to finance a blog, so the blogger can focus on creating good content, and the e-commerce site can focus on selling products. In fact, I may do affiliate marketing on my website one-day to help me pay for the hosting cost of the site.
The dark side of affiliate marketing
Affiliate marketing, even if it’s a good concept in practice, is still responsible for a lot of bad websites on the web. And by bad, I mean dark side of the force bad. It happens when the webmaster’s only goal is to make money, and he doesn’t care about what he’s selling, how he’s selling it and to whom he’s selling it.
What some websites are selling for premature ejaculation
When it comes to premature ejaculation, entrepreneurs don’t lack imagination. You can find a lot of “natural herbs”, “supplements” and other “male sexual enhancement products” that can help you last longer in bed. Of course, if selling placebo effect doesn’t outrage you, it’s okay. Personally, I have a problem with it.
And I’ve not mentioned online “pharmacies” selling actual prescription drugs. In those cases, if you end up with a sugar pill, you’re lucky, because when you’re buying prescription meds on a shady website without an actual doctor prescription, you’re risking more than your money.
Last but not least, there’s the overpriced e-book. When I did my research for my website, I stumbled over a 70$ e-book! Of course, 60% of the sales go to the affiliate marketer, which create another problem, more important than the book price. Affiliate marketers are ready to say anything to get their chunk of this 70$ per sale.
How some sites sell products for premature ejaculation
About the 70$ e-book, I still remember a particular promo video for it. Its main selling argument was that I would never have a girlfriend if I don’t find a solution to my PE. Or if I do manage to get a girlfriend, she will eventually cheat on me.
What a great way to address the situation! When we know that stress and anxiety could be contributing factors to PE, why not use them as sales tactics too! And since the actual e-book is also trying to sell me other products (affiliate marketing when you hold us!) inside the book, I guess it’s not a bad decision to exacerbate the problem pre-sale to increase your post-sale profit.
I could continue with other upsetting examples but I think you get the point with only one. If your only motivation is money, you’ll do all kind of shit to get it, even messing with your clients’ psyche.
Who does some websites target
And the last problem is even more upsetting when we look at who’s visiting those websites. The image below represents the age of people browsing on one of those sites. As you can see, a lot of young men are using the Internet for their sexual education. If I’m confident enough at my age to know that my girlfriend won’t cheat on me because of rapid ejaculations (won’t you honey?), when I was 18 years old, this kind of message could have hurt me a lot.
Premature ejaculation isn’t a problem
The last kind of resource you can find online claims that PE isn’t a problem, but a healthy sexual response. Their suggestion: accepting the fact that each man has a different ejaculation latency (which is true). According to them, we shouldn’t put too much importance on how long we last in bed. Anyhow they say, we tend to focus too much on vaginal penetration (I agree). While vaginal penetration isn’t the most reliable way for women to orgasm (also true), in any events, we shouldn’t aim for orgasm, but for mutual pleasure. And in case you didn’t know, it’s possible to have fun if you or your partner is anorgasmic, or tend to ejaculate quickly. Ergo, premature ejaculation isn’t a problem.
I agree with everything they say, except their conclusion.
Where does this thinking come from
I totally understand where the argument comes from. With websites like the one we described in the affiliate money-grabbers section, I think it’s fair to debunk some myths about premature ejaculation.
It’s true that premature ejaculators tend to overestimate the weight of their problem. First, around 20% to 30% of men think they are premature ejaculators. However, based on the ISSM (International Society for Sexual Medicine) criteria for premature ejaculation, less than 10% of men really suffer from PE.² This discrepancy comes from misconceptions about the sexual response and the average sex time. In a world where boys learn most of what they know about sexuality by watching porn, it’s easy to feel sorry about how long you last when you compare yourself with a porn actor with a condition of delayed ejaculation.
Second, men who do ejaculate quicker than average sometimes feel like it’s the end of the world. When we take a look at the studies I cited in the introduction of this text, we can see that PE has a significant impact on some men’s quality of life. However, based on my experience, when we ask their partner about how their man’s premature ejaculation affect them, the answer can be unexpected. While the short ejaculation latency is bothering to some, I often hear complaints about the man’s reaction to PE. Indeed, after a rapid ejaculation, a lot of men just cut the intimacy, roll to their side of the bed and feel ashamed. It’s also common for premature ejaculators to avoid sexual intimacy or even to have an irrational fear about their partner cheating on them. All those reactions can be more bothering than the rapid ejaculation itself for the partner.
Premature Ejaculation Can Still Be a Problem
For those reasons, I think every answer on Premature Ejaculation should start by debunking the myths and reassuring the reader about the condition. That being said, that doesn’t mean that PE isn’t a problem. For some couple it can be, for others it’s nothing. However, it’s not the commenter’s place to decide whether it’s a problem or not.
I still remember, in my early twenties, a particular session with my sex therapist. She didn’t want me to use the word problem to describe my rapid ejaculations. I understand now that she was doing a reframing tactic that was part of the therapy. Still, back in the days, I found it very insulting that I couldn’t choose what was or wasn’t a problem. I didn’t need to be told or convince, that Premature Ejaculation wasn’t such a big deal. I needed to experience it.
Someone telling me that I shouldn’t focus on vaginal penetration is a part of the experience, but I doubt it will be enough to make most premature ejaculators feel good. It wasn’t for me. I love it, and I love it even more now that I can enjoy it for more than five seconds.
The curating experience I’m talking about, it’s mix of a couple of things. Yes, it includes reading answers that tone down the importance of how long you last in bed. It also contains other answers that acknowledge that it can sometimes be significant. Of course, we all have biological limits when it comes to ejaculation control. However, the more you know about the condition, and the potential treatments, the easier it is to accept the limitations. With precise information, a man can then decide for himself whether his rapid ejaculations are problematic or not. And if he still thinks it’s a problem, he’ll have the correct knowledge to develop realistic expectations about what he can achieve. He will then be able to work on his premature ejaculation problem until it isn’t a problem anymore. It isn’t a problem anymore either because he worked to increase his ejaculation latency, or simply because the work itself make him accept his limitation.
So, when I read some “premature ejaculation is not a problem” kind of answer, I’m always a bit irritated. By not telling men to work on their condition, they potentially deny them an occasion to improve their sex life. I know that kind of answer are made in good faith and has its place; still, I wouldn’t enjoy sex as much today if I’ve believed the first person to tell me that premature ejaculation wasn’t a problem to be solved.
So, why I’ve started a premature ejaculation website?
You can blame marketers for a lot of things. We do however have one great quality: empathy. While some marketers use it in a selfish utilitarian way to increase their sales, others use it to match their customers’ needs better. That’s what I hope to do with Premature Ejaculation Help. Yes, I’m an outsider, but I think I can quickly counter my initial lack of experience in sexology with a patient-oriented focus. A couple of years ago, I would have liked to have access to a resource like Premature Ejaculation Help. I’ve started a premature ejaculation website because I needed one.
- On top of the link mentionned, you can find more information on premature ejaculation negative impact on quality of life here: Rosen R, Althof S (2008) Impact of premature ejaculation: the psychological quality of life and sexual relationship consequences. J Sex Med 5(6):1296–1307, Rowland D, Patrick D, Rothman M, Gagnon D (2007) The psychological burden of premature ejaculation. J Urol 177:1065–1070, Symonds T, Roblin D, Hart K, Althof S (2004) How does premature ejaculation effect a man’s life. J Sex Marital Ther 29(5):361–370
- The link mentionned will explain the difference in all prevalence studies of premature ejaculation, but if you prefer to refer to the actual studies you can look for theese: Dunn KM, Croft PR, Hackett GI (1998) Sexual problems: a study of the prevalence and need for health care in the general population. Fam Pract 15:519–524, Laumann EO, Paik A, Rosen RC (1999) Sexual dysfunction in the United States: prevalence and predictors. JAMA 10(281):537–544, Laumann EO, Nicolosi A, Glasser DB, et al (2005) Sexual problems among women and men aged 40–80 y: prevalence and correlates identiﬁed in the global study of sexual attitudes and behaviors. Int J Impot Res 17:39–57, Christensen BS, Gronbaek M, Osler M, Pedersen BV, Graugaard C, Frisch M (2011) Sexual dysfunctions and difﬁculties in denmark: prevalence and associated sociodemographic factors. Arch Sex Behav 40:121–132, Porst H, Montorsi F, Rosen RC, Gaynor L, Grupe S, Alexander J (2007) The Premature Ejaculation Prevalence and Attitudes (PEPA) survey: prevalence, comorbidities, and professional help-seeking. Eur Urol 51:816–823. (discussion 24), Waldinger M et al (2005) A multinational population survey of intravaginal ejaculation latency time. J Sex Med 2(4):292–297, Serefoglu EC, Yaman O, Cayan S et al (2011) Prevalence of the complaint of ejaculating prematurely and the four premature ejaculation syndromes: results from the Turkish Society of Andrology Sexual Health Survey. J Sex Med 8:540–548