I’ve Got a Count Down in My Head

I found out I have Brain Cancer a few months ago, about 10 weeks. It never really hit me, I was too busy with life, getting on with things — the same can’t be said for my family and friends though.

For those who know about my Cancer, we’ve become closer in general. Mainly because I want to live life more and spend time with those who matter to me, but also because I think they realise that “I’ve Got a Count Down in My Head”.

A little like the move “In Time” (2011) but actually inside my head.

Right now, we don’t know how long that Count Down has. But given the location of the Cancer, when it comes time for real treatment (not just treating the symptoms, it’s deep in the brain so no surgery here) we know it won’t be comfortable and that its more intention is simply to extend my life.

It’s at that point the real Count Down in My Head begins!

The stark reality is — There is no cure.

I can’t have surgery.

They won’t treat the cancer until it grows more & they know how quick/slow it’s actually growing. Until then, I just sit and wait, with my symptoms being treated one-by-one but they’re never ending and I’m so tired already.

Before I even was given a diagnosis officially I had been unwell and having tests for over a year. I’ve had periods of being bed bound for over 3 weeks at a time. I’m sick on a daily basis and seemingly random intervals, without reason it feels like, other than BIG C really likes to make me walk out of important meetings again and again. My balance is a mixed bag, but at night — well lets just say it’s testing and I fall a fair bit, thankfully my instinctive reactions still kick-in (at least most of the time) — so no real injury yet, just lots of noise to wake up my other half with. A constant migraine is my constant companion, along with joyous double vision most of the time which is caused by the location of the tumor directly, rather than a mass-effect or eye-problem.

I’ve other issues too cognitive and behavioral, but this post has gone on long enough now.


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