Me defending my allegiance to the Oxford Comma

We live in a world that has grammar, and grammar has to be guarded by grammarians. Who’s gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep over extra punctuation, and you curse the grammarians. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That that extra comma, while redundant, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me guarding that grammar, you need me guarding that grammar. We use words like verb tense consistency, proper conjugation, syntax. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a someone who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very grammatical structure that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a red pen, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

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