On Finding Inspiration

Having dinner with boyfriend and his family last night, I’m asked what I want to be doing.

Pause

I’m still new in this. It’s only been a year. I’m still nervous and awkward and off my game around the boyf’s ‘rents. So, when they ask me during dinner, “What do you want to be doing?” this is what my mind looks like…

And as I struggle to both accurately interpret their question and come up with a response that is both true and something you would tell your boyfriend’s parents, this is what my mind looks like….

By my stammer, audible ‘uhh’, and darting eyes, I think they caught on to my internal situation. If not, here you go Steve and Vicki. If you didn’t know, now you know.

Anyways, they quickly threw me a lifesaver and rephrased their obviously threatening, scary, and ambiguous question with something along the lines of “What do you want to do? What is your next step? What have you been up to?” (Background: I’m graduating from undergrad in a few months, so, looking back, they were probably inquiring on my professional, educational, life and career plans…)

I responded with, “Well, I really want to start a blog.” (Yeah, that’s what I came up with. I could have said anything, and that’s what I thought was the most relative information to share at the moment…)

They looked up from their fried green tomatoes to meet my gaze for half a second before I did what I do best — word vomited. So, I went on with, “Yeah, in a perfect world, I would be writing blogs. I just don’t think I’m interesting enough. I don’t even know what I would write about. I mean, I’ve started writing, but I don’t know what to post first. I’ve designed like five blog pages. Still haven written anything…” And on and on and on until his dad finally interupted (Thank u jesus)

Dad: Well it isn’t a perfect world, and you aren’t perfect, and that is exactly what will make you a good blog writer. If you were perfect, your posts would be boring.

Me: I guess. I just don’t know what to start with. Or where to start.

Dad: Make you first post about Jeff! (boyfriend)

Me: I don’t think anyone would read that. (Side note: Don’t talk about your boyfriend like that to his parents) Quickly fixed that with: Well, I don’t really think anyone will read anything I post.

Dad: Jeff’s grandmother will read anything you post. She will love it.

………………………………………………………………………………………

Starting This Blog For My Boyfriend’s Grandmother

After months of wanting to start a blog and receiving encouragement and advice from dozens of people, reading journals upon journals of how to start but doubting my ability and my audience— I finally found my motivation. Something unique, something different. I’ve finally put pen to paper (well, finger to key) because my boyfriend’s grandmother might read this. We haven’t even met. I think that might be what excited me: Being heard by people I don’t really even know. For whatever reason, here I am. Finally doing it. Hey, Grandma Carol! Hope the weathers nice in Portland!