Don’t Text your Siblings that your Mother Just Passed Away…

and other lessons learned managing my mom’s end of life care

I’ve heard new parents describe bringing a life into the world as a magical, scary, and meaningful experience. I’m here to say that helping a parent’s life exit the world is a sacred, terrifying, and life changing experience. Look, no one wants this role, but eventually you will be forced to play a part. You can hide until it slaps you in face and punches you in the gut; or you can embrace it, plan for it, and design the experience within the constraints of the cards you’re dealt. My experience was a mix of punches of in the gut, sacred moments, and knee slapping good times.

On Dec. 15, 2015 my mom entered a multi-week cascade of events that nearly took her life. On Dec. 24 we brought her home from the hospital on hospice, not certain if she’d see the new year. By Dec. 26 she was off hospice and back on palliative care, because she was fighting to live, and we rallied to support her. On Dec 31, I flew home to celebrate the New Year with my spouse in Boston, only to return two weeks later to see mom through a doctor visit for a second opinion. Thus started a nine-month journey of commuting between Boston and Pittsburgh to help care for my mom. We had clearly entered her final journey, with absolutely no idea how long it would last! After a roller-coaster of a summer, on Sept. 6, 2016 my mom passed away.