i guess now i just feel like i’ve been such a shitty person. probably deserved all the pain i’ve felt, have yet to feel. i’ve always just wanted to do the right thing, but i guess i just never do.
there was a time when you said they could play at our wedding or some shit, since we met basically at their show. now i hear their music and cry- how fucking pathetic is that? a song by some smalltime soundcloud rappers comes on and i fucking cry? god, damn. i guess you were just kidding, of course. but the thought counted for something.
there’s no end to the things that remind me of you. i see you in everything, always. which is shitty. everything about you is so ethereal… i miss you so much.
the one thing i want most is an opportunity to prove to you that i’m not who i was. but frankly, you might just not care to see that. that’s okay.
god, i hate the stupid shit i say. i should stop. fuck.
i guess really, i feel like a much bigger person now, but it’s like there’s no point. it doesn’t stop me from being sad, and there’s no one i can help. i just want to do right by other people, but maybe i’ll never get the satisfaction.
nothing i wouldn’t do.
“why do it, starfighter? don’t you see how pathetic you are?”