the life and times of the pathetic gus f

this hope is killing me. i build it up in my mind until i believe it’s true. it’s so sad. fell asleep in class, had a dream that things were back to the way they were. i woke up and for a brief second that dripped with perfection and idealism, i believed it was true. reality is a killer.

tonight, i only made one cut, just one, a shallow one too. something you posted set off my hope. i need to forget it, but i can’t. it’s okay. i won’t be around much longer.

i need to ask you that question.

hopefully you’ll agree to it, but i doubt you will.

i hope i don’t scare you.

i miss everything about you.

i wish you would reply.

it hurts.

everything hurts.

i need to stop. i know there are more important people. better friends than me. you hang out with some now, you’re going to see him this summer, i can only hope that they make you happy even though some things are hard these days. i’m so sorry for what i have to do. so sorry.

it’s not so scary though.

i’ll be in a better place.


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