the new prototype

well, i feel pretty ashamed of how i’ve reacted to things.

i dunno, i guess it was all necessary. i didn’t know what to do with so much pain. but now, well, i look back on the recent past and think “damn, i was fake as fuck,” but i wasn’t fake. i’ve just changed so much in the past couple weeks that my old self seems foreign. anyways.

i get it. i understand now. i’m sorry that i didn’t, even when i thought i did. but i think i finally get it. i spent a lot of time thinking, a lot of time crying, a lot of time looking into the waves. i got some much-needed perspective, and i think i finally get it. i really want you to be happy. i care about you a lot, and i really hope that you’re doing the things that make you happy. you deserve to feel that way.

i still love you, and i always will, and i still miss you. but i have a better understanding of everything now. it makes a little more sense to me, and i’m not letting my emotions get the best of me anymore. sure, i still cry. i’ve cried every fucking day. i miss you. it hurts. but it’s okay, i get it.

i saw a lot of things, felt a lot of things, and dreamt a lot of things. i feel the ocean gives me a bit more mental clarity. i don’t know why i’m drawn to the sea. i guess it doesn’t matter. anyways.

starfighter lives on. different than before, and who knows for how much longer? well. we learn from everything.

i love you.