2023 Wrapped — A chronicle of failing, learning and surviving.
INTRODUCTION
Welcome to my 2023 Wrapped, I saw the end of the year and that’s some crazy feat. you might not get it but I made it to December 2023, and I did that shit. If you read this, send me a soft prayer because I saw hell.
I didn’t want to write this at first but I remembered I did promise to document things, write them down, take pictures and reflect on them when I’ve passed that stage.
I hope that when I write my 2024 wrapped, I will be in a great place and I will read this with a smile on my face and a silent whisper of “Olajumoke, you made it”
PS — I didn’t know how to start my review and after reading these reviews, they helped me see the vision of what I want my 2023 wrapped to be. You can read them here too.
without further ado, let’s get into the main thing. This would be a long read — or not. thank you for sticking with me.
THIS YEAR, I FAILED MYSELF.
At the beginning of 2023, I woke up with high hopes, I knew what I wanted in this life. I was going for my dream, no matter what it took. I wasn’t ready to back down and there’s no risk not worth taking.
This year, I had solid plans for my life. I had a strict resolution that I thought I would follow to the tee. I did follow it through till I couldn’t anymore, but I was shortsighted. I didn’t calculate the risks, I didn’t think my decisions properly and I paid heavily for it.
I have accepted that this year, I didn’t give myself grace enough. this year I pushed too hard. This year, I dived into things I should have approached slowly and this year, I pushed myself way past my limit. I made terrible mistakes, People do too. I have accepted my mistakes, I have held myself accountable and I have learned from them.
One thing I learned this late this year was to be gentle with myself. I’m just a girl and I am not a god. I am capable of mistakes, accepting them and making changes is where the real deal lies.
I am at the stage where not one person's opinion makes me twitch. I am not responsible for whatever ideas you have of me, and I promise you that I don’t care about you too. Whatever pedestal you placed me on in your head, you are solely responsible for that sweetie.
Now that we have established that, I won’t be apologizing for the girl I have become. toodles❤️
LOSSES
2023 was my year of losses. I was losing everything, it was hard to keep up at some point. There was a night in August when I sat down on the floor of my room and begged God to take my life. I had attempted to take it like fifteen times before then, but I couldn’t go through. It was way worse because I kept on trying to pretend like I was fine.
Between August and October, I prayed over 7 catholic Novenas, manifested and set up vision boards, and prayed tahajud multiple times too. I barely got any sleep, and I spent my nights praying desperately. I would gain hope, lose hope, and gain it back.
I hated that God didn’t answer any of my prayers, he didn’t magically make all my problems go away. I still believed in him, and people prayed on my behalf. nothing changed miraculously.
My mother looked at me one evening and asked me why. It was a question we both had no answer for, and I couldn’t even bring myself to answer. My days were bleak and dull, and my nights were filled with tears of anguish, I just wanted someone to hear me. I desperately craved a miracle, but I did get none.
Every action has its consequences and I got it in the full wrath. paid for my decisions in full. Isn’t the lord wonderful?
I ma no longer crying over spilt milk. I am no longer crying over my losses and my mistakes. onward ever.
LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.
One thing I have always prided myself to be is that I am a people person, I get people to fall in love with me at a first meeting and I have so many people around me. let’s say 2023 is the year of fallouts. I used to brag about having a solid corner but alhamdulilah for our lives.
I fell out with friends, and I watched as everything I used to love slowly left me. for me at that time, it was almost the end of my life. I wasn’t used to doing this life thing alone and it made it even worse. I had valid fears and in the end, I knew I was a bad friend [sometimes].
I watched some of the people I would show up for at their lowest leave me at mine, it even made me feel worse. I desperately asked myself if I wasn’t worth it, or if I was never good enough for them to show up for me.
I have learnt my lesson and cleaned up my space. 2024 is the year I intentionally make friends and keep them. I would leave my house more, and make genuine connections that I hope to keep permanently.
As for relationships, 2023 was the year I desperately sought. The things I saw, it would take taking me to a CIA black site and getting it out of me. [You can remind me later for a snippet gist, maybe next year shaa]
I was intentional about finding my own person, and I was tired of the back and forths. I tried getting back with an ex [twice], didn’t work out. I tried talking to new people and rekindling old flames, duh.
Do you know how you hyper-fixate on something while the rest of your life is falling apart? I hyper-fixated on finding my own person. while it took me through hell and back, I won in the end.
I found my person and he loves me as much as I love him. My babe is the reason I wake up every day with a chance to give this life another shot and I look forward to showing him just how much I love him back.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
To everyone who showed up for me each time, I desperately needed them to. I might have the worst experience this year, but I have people who showed up for me every day. I’m grateful and I will be in your emails for a personalized thank you for 2023. I do not take it for granted, not even one bit.
Moving on, I would be taking my life slowly and softly in 2024, I would be giving myself more grace and chances to make mistakes and lastly, I would love myself even more than I did this year. No cringe resolutions or something, my goal for 2024 is to live, learn and love myself even more.
Vidi, didici, et fui optimam ac pessimam versionem mei hoc anno, et supervixi. Proximo anno, vivemus et amplius fruemur. Hic est ut sis maga quae non timet somniare.
With Love,
Olajumoke.❤️
