Sorry Nintendo, but the People deserve to play Pokemon Uranium

Naughty Pokémon Uranium Review, Peer to Peer Torrent Download Hash Code


Warning: There’s some rough talk in the [text portion of this] Pokemon Uranium Review. Consider it NSFW — unless you have one of those cool jobs where the boss swears about Pokemon.

If you’ve stumbled into this article wondering what Pokémon Uranium is, or are here because you’ve heard Nintendodemanded its creators pull the game, do yourself a favor and start downloading the game immediately. Then, by the time you’ve finished digesting my thoughts on this incredible piece of culture, you’ll be ready to play the game.

If you’ve got a Torrent Client, paste the following hash code into your browser in order to open a download link.


What strikes me most about Pokémon Uranium, past the immaculate polish and equally shiny new Pokémon, is the abundant evidence of the creators’ love for the handheld series. Given that this is a fan-made project, the team could’ve done anything with the beloved franchise; they could’ve made Pidgeys have six more evolutions, or introduced thirty different more flavors of Poké Ball. Hell, they could’ve had Team Rocket finger blasting each other on the counter of the first Pokémon Center. Unbeholden to Nintendo and anything resembling a paycheck, Uranium’s creators’ could’ve set fire to the series canon. They didn’t.

Instead, creators ~JV~ and Twitch cherish the Pokémon handheld tradition. And not in the way that lends itself to feel like a knock off or a reskin — a close look at every aspect of Uranium reveals the team’s masterful subversion of the formula Gamefreak has been refining since the release of Pokémon Red in 1998.

Put simply, Pokémon Uranium is Pokémon just like you remember it, but also like you’ve never experienced before.

Consider the idea of “Starter Pokemon.” For time immemorial, Pokémon games have presented the player with a choice — Fire Pokémon, Water Pokémon or Grass Pokémon . Charmander, Squirtle or Bulbasaur. It’s the way things are done, and the way things have always been done.

Me, if I was in charge of creating starter Pokémon for a fan-made game — I’d fuck things up masterfully. Immediately I’d Google “other Pokémon type triangles,” mash the “I’m Feeling Lucky Button,” and go to work.

All Pokemon Type Triangles, courtesy of the “I’m feeling lucky” button.

Who know’s what I’d end up picking? Looking at it now, all I can say is that I see a bunch of pretty colors that look a lot more exciting to me, as a noob, than Fire/Water/Grass. I’d probably pick something crazy like Fighting/Dark/Psychic. More knowledgeable fans of the series can comment and tell me exactly why that would be a terrible choice for the starter Pokémon, but that’s not the point.

Watch my awkward delight choosing a starter and battling the rival.

The point is this: It’s easy to dream up a bunch of ideas from thin air. It’s much, much, much harder to create something original within the confines of an established system, and that’s exactly what ~JV~, Twitch and the rest of the Uraniumteam did. Sure, the Starter Pokemon seem to represent the traditional Fire/Water/Grass triangle, but also each starter Pokémon is dual typed, and carries one of the traditional elements as well as its opposite (Fire/Ground, Water/Electricity, and Grass/Steel), which makes for a dynamic and diverse experience.

Uranium is filled with moments like this — Pokémon hallmarks slyly twisted into familiar, yet delightfully original ways. And I do mean filled, given that the game launches with a full story, 8 gym badges, and 200 new Pokemon.

I could tell you more about it — about the crazy nuclear energy twist, about the cool relationship with the rival, about mega evolutions, or the Pokémon Speech Translator… but that would spoil the game, and besides — isn’t your download done by now?

If it’s not, check out more of my thoughts and my battle with the second gym here!

This article originally appeared on GameTradersUSA.