They were called Hairy Banjo. — This one’s for Rusty Alderson. Hope you enjoy my wee SXSW story, despite the swearing! From the first jangly strum of their wistful, indie-fuelled chords, and the exceptional craft of their lyrics (as exemplified in their opening song, ‘Hairy Banjo’ — we’re Hairy Banjo, who the fuck are you) I…

It all started in a lingerie store… — “What denier stockings would you like?” asked the shop assistant. I wasn’t entirely sure what denier was, but I had a vague idea, and I knew what I wanted. “The finest possible.” She took me over to the quality stockings. “Colour?” Colour was irrelevant. “Black, I suppose.” I was buying…

Seven Rules for Modern Life — #1 The golden rule of etiquette There’s so many rules to live by. What cutlery should you use to eat melon? How much should you tip a barber? When is it unacceptable to wear brown shoes? …

I saw them so you didn’t have to… — Seven-Second Shakespeare Shakespeare’s most popular works, each play or sonnet acted out in the space of seven seconds. The Moscow State Kazoo Orchestra Eighty-piece orchestra play Stravinsky, Shoenberg, and Glass. On kazoos. Rosa’s Rodeo Dramatisation of the start of the US civil rights movement told, for some fucking reason, on bucking broncos. The Laughing Man

How you can find the quiet routes in any area. — Previously I introduced The Wrong Way: the technique of deliberately avoiding the most popular hiking routes in order to improve the quality of your walk. Let’s face it, it’s often nice to meet a few people up a hill. …

Beethoven, at the height of his powers, was deaf.

It was just an ordinary day in English class. I was looking out the window staring into space, when an administration teacher came into class and had a quiet word with Miss Morrison. “OK class, lesson’s over. You all need to go home.” “Why, miss?” “There’s been a bomb threat.” …

Just ask them a question! — I was talking to a new manager. He was having trouble communicating with his direct reports, but he knew what to do. The people he was having difficulty with were three decades, or two marketing generations younger than him. So he’d gone onto the Internet and read up on age-based…

Learning from other people’s mistakes. — Has anyone ever told you their life story, and what came out was so toe-curlingly wrong you thought to to yourself, I was never in danger of doing that, mate. It might be the man whose veins collapsed because he was injecting so much. The woman who put her life…