How Our Parents Shaped Us — Ted Lasso (Season 3 Review)
An exploration on how the parent figures in our lives shaped us and a look back to Ted Lasso as a whole.
So, it has come to an end.
“Ted Lasso” finally ended on May 31st, which coincidentally is also the end of the Mental Health Awareness month. As I sat there and laughed and sobbed my way through the last episode of “Ted Lasso”, it took me a while to process it all. There were a lot of things going on, and people all over social media have differing opinions about the ending. Ranging from the disjointed plot flow in this season (I agree; there are a few that can be left out on the cutting room floor), to meltdowns on TedBecca not happening (I have a few opinions on this, more about this in a sec).
And then, the scathing reviews from The Guardian and Variety came up, on how “Ted Lasso” was unbearable and how they were glad that it was over. Sometimes I wonder if these journalists even watched the same series as I do, and whether they just glossed over the message that the show was trying to tell.
But for me personally, despite this season’s shortcomings and uneveness, the ending of “Ted Lasso” is one of those that’s quite okay in my opinion. Granted, there are many wonky parts, which I do not like at all. But overall, it was a satisfying one for me, and looking back, there is a consistent core in “Ted Lasso” that I would like to talk about: parent and child relationship.
This is going to be a long one, so sit tight for this one!
(Warning: spoilers for Season 3 ahead!)
The Belief That I Matter
Season 2 ended with Nate Shelley ripping the “Believe” sign in two, and acrimoniously walked out of AFC Richmond to work with West Ham. A betrayal that was felt all across the AFC Richmond club, and also the Ted Lasso fandom. So naturally, at the start of Season 3, we began to wonder: how will Nate come back from this and be redeemed? Is it even possible at all that Nate can be redeemed?
And after 12 episodes of Season 3? Yes, yes he is.
And his journey to redemption is, ultimately, the core story of Ted Lasso this season: the parent figures who shaped, influenced, and traumatized us into becoming the person we are today. Other characters have arcs that relate to their parents as well, beautifully interwoven in this season. But Nate took center stage for this theme.
From the start of the season, I noticed the little things in Nate’s scenes on how he was pretending to be someone that he is not. From the way he speaks, to the way he acts. Of course, all of it was to impress Rupert. But right from the start, I could see slivers of his real, kind self slipping through that tough act of his. And right from the moment he met Jade and they are then in a relationship, we began to see the crackdown on Nate’s family dynamics and ultimately, his emotional growth. I think Jade is an excellent addition to the cast of “Ted Lasso”. I can agree to the notion of making Jade Nate’s girlfriend and guiding him towards the light is such an easy route for Nate’s redemption journey, but you know what? I like Jade’s character, regardless. She knows what she wants, she is aware of herself, and she can see through bullshit. But most importantly, she genuinely cares about Nate.
During Nate’s tenure in West Ham, Jade is the only positive aspect that exists in his life, filling the void that he had caused through his abrupt departure from AFC Richmond. And I think it’s important to highlight that, Jade’s existence kickstarted the healing journey for Nate. She doesn’t have to change herself for Nate, or force him to. She simply is being her most authentic self in front of Nate. She slowly cracked open his facade and let those tiny slivers of Nate’s goodness become streams of light.
Eventually, we came to the highlight of Nate’s journey in episode 10 “International Break”: the conversation between him and his father. I’m sure everyone must have experienced the same experience as Nate did, but coming from an Asian family, that scene hit even harder and too close to home than I thought. The demanding father of Nate, who shaped Nate into becoming a person who seeks validation from others because he couldn’t get it from his own parents. Nate never felt that he is good enough in front of his father, and during that conversation between the two of them, for the first time ever, his father apologized.
For believing that Nate deserved better by giving him opportunities that he never had, and for expecting a lot from him in return. To excel, to succeed, to be good at everything. To become the person his father wasn’t able to be. But at the cost of Nate feeling scared and resenting everything, feeling that he will never be good enough in front of his dad’s eyes. Nothing but a constant disappointment. Something small like violin, which Nate just liked playing, became something he resented because he always thought his father never liked his playing.
This apology scene, I think, is every Asian kids’ deepest fantasies, me included. To have our own parents apologizing to us for every trauma they have inflicted upon us, and also fully knowing who they are, their ego probably won’t let them say that to us and we will probably die knowing full well that our parents will never admit to their mistakes. Ever.
But in this scene, his father’s apology is exactly the catharsis that Nate needed.
And from then on, his growth became more evident. Starting from him apologizing to Will, to eventually reconciling with Ted. There is not a single drop of self-righteousness or ego in all that he did, and he didn’t even do all that in hopes of returning to the club’s good graces. He returned back to his original, humble self, and he did all of that for himself. Knowing full well that all of that is his fault. And it really felt genuine. The money shot was always about Nate and Ted’s conversation in this season, and when that happened, all of Nate’s growth throughout this season really contributed to how that apology to Ted felt rightfully earned at the end.
Is it really that easy for me to forgive all that Nate had done? After all, he crossed a line by ripping the one symbol that held the club together.
Admittedly for me, I didn’t think it would be possible, although I can sort of see where he came from through snippets of his family dynamics in previous seasons. But “Ted Lasso” has always been about understanding where people came from. His quote of “Be curious, not judgmental” is the root of this whole series. Seeing Nate’s character is like having a mirror being held in front of me. I can see myself in Nate, and perhaps that might be why it was kind of easy for me to forgive Nate. But there are people who are still unable to forgive him, saying that he didn’t do enough to earn that forgiveness. While I agree that we probably need a few more scenes on Nate to really justify his redemption (I think some explanation on why he quitted West Ham is greatly needed here), I disagree with the notion that his redemption is not righfully earned.
From things like him refusing to boast about his previous high position in West Ham, refusing to rejoin AFC Richmond when asked because he had hurt everyone’s feelings there (especially Ted’s), admitting to his mistakes and blaming no one but himself. These are markers of growth that we didn’t see in the previous seasons, and a growth that is very beautiful to be witnessed on screen.
Like what Ted said in this season:
“I hope that either all of us or none of us are judged by the actions of our weakest moments, but rather, by the strength we show when and if we’re ever given a second chance.”
I would also like to make a very short, but equally meaningful observation that is still in the theme of parental figures. Sam Obisanya’s dad, Ola, is a stark contrast to all of the father figures introduced in this series (excluding Ted himself). His scene is very brief, but his short appearance in the series highlights Sam’s main character trait on seeing the good in everyone. His huge figure stands in contrast with his wise, kind-hearted self. During the peak of Sam’s frustration and anger towards racial injustice, he is able to let his guard down and be vulnerable when he sees his father at the door. The scene with his father is amongst my favorites, and their conversation solidifed on why Sam has such positive outlook in life.
To have a person in your life with whom you can be vulnerable, is life’s most precious and hard-to-find treasure.
Don’t Fight Back, Fight Forward
Season 3 saw the rise and growth of a character that was unlikely to become the highlight of Season 3, but he quickly became the star of this season. And that is number 9, Jamie Tartt.
Even typing out his name still makes me amazed at how his character turned out to be and how he has grown so much throughout the entire run of “Ted Lasso”.
Jamie started as a prick and continued to be throughout the earlier seasons, and only showing signs of growth towards the end of Season 2. But this season saw his growth soaring through the roof towards the better, even more so with Roy Kent who began training him as he felt overshadowed by Zava, the newest player in AFC Richmond and the best player of the season. He also continued to get along with his teammates, even bonding with Sam Obisanya, who he used to bully in the first season.
His first sign of growth was when Isaac told him that he thinks Roy & Keeley have broken up. Instead of pursuing Keeley, he turned right and went straight to Roy to ask if he is okay. His growth and eventually, his and Roy’s friendship continue to blossom even more so during episode 6, “Sunflowers”, which is the standout episode of the season. For the first time ever, both men started to be open towards each other, even only slightly. Jamie shared why he knows so much about Amsterdam, and Roy telling Jamie on why he couldn’t ride a bicycle. Jamie ended up teaching Roy how to ride a bicycle, and both spent the time there bonding, which carries over to the next episodes.
It got to the point where Jamie attended the Kent’s Uncle’s Day under Phoebe’s invitation, and the peak highlight of their friendship is when Jamie turned emotional before their match with Manchester City. Jamie who easily cried when alone with Roy showed us just how far their friendship had become, to the point where they can be vulnerable with each other. Not only that, but Jamie is now a team player. During the start of their Total Football strategy, Jamie immediately understood what they’re going for and instead of putting himself in the front lines out of ego, he instead suggested for the team to pass the ball through him, ultimately playing the elegant role of a conductor which helped scored a goal against Arsenal.
If there is one thing I’d like to nitpick from the Jamie & Roy friendship plotline, it’d be this one scene in the finale episode where they were fighting over who gets to date Keeley. After thinking about it for some time, I don’t like how this scene sort of ruined their growth as friends, really got repulsed by it during my initial watch. But after I think over it, I can understand them saying what they said in the heat of the moment, and childishness on full view. And understanding that, while they have grown to respect and value each other as friends, they have yet to really fix themselves as a person. Their fight really was so childish. There are still a lot of fixing that needs to be done on the inside, and while I don’t like that scene, I like how both of them acknowledged that asking Keeley to choose was a stupid idea. After all, they are still human and, just like Higgins had said, it is not possible for humans to be perfect. So if we need help, we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for it and accept it when help is offered to us. Just because they have become friends, doesn’t automatically mean that they are now perfect human beings. They still do have flaws.
This is why I love that Keeley ended up with no one at the end, because none of them are ready yet to be in a serious relationship. And to have Roy be in therapy with Dr. Sharon is the closure that the character needed, as it is a step towards bettering himself after years of resentment and bitterness towards himself.
It‘s Not About Me, It Never Was
With those two major things out of the way, I want to talk about the AFC Richmond team itself. Not only have each and one of them grew to be better men than who they were before in Season 1, but the bond between them as a team is stronger and more tight-knit than ever.
The “Believe” sign that was ridiculed at the beginning began to grow on them like a plague, but a good kind of plague. This culminated in a scene on the last episode of Season 2, where Isaac McAdoo placed his hand on the sign and others followed suit as well. It became a symbol that is sacred to them. So much so that, when the team was shown the footage clip of Nate ripping the sign into two, they were united in anger against Nate. Eventually, Ted rips the sign into smaller pieces, further showcasing that they don’t need the sign in order to instill belief in themselves. They need to work on strengthening their belief within. And together.
From then on, the “Believe” sign is seemingly out of the picture. But the team’s relationship with each other only grew stronger from that point onwards. After a disappointing friendly match in Amsterdam, the team’s morale and spirits are then boosted after a night of pillow fight; all of them having fun and bonding. It’s heartwarming to see just how they have each others backs. When Sam’s restaurant was vandalized following Sam’s criticism against a bigoted Cabinet minister, all of the team came over to help him clean up and fix the restaurannt. When Colin came out to them as gay, all of them are in support of him. The team is becoming a stronger unit, a found family.
This all culminated in the finale episode, where it is shown that the “Believe” sign is never truly out of the picture. All 16 pieces of the sign were being kept by each one of them as a goodluck charm, a talisman. And it is so heartwarming to see where they have kept it as safekeeping, as it says a lot about who they are as a person. Sam had placed it behind a photo of his national team. Jamie had used it as a bookmark for the book that Ted had given him on the first season. Isaac secured a piece between his captain armband. Colin slipped it between his shin guard. Montlaur secured one inside a glass bottle (a callback to Season 1 when the team were burning items that are important to them to ward the bad spirits away; Montlaur’s item is the bottle containing the sand from the beach where he had slept with a supermodel).
All of them took a piece and secured it behind the object that they value the most. A testament that the sign and a piece of Ted Lasso lives in all of them, even when Ted Lasso will no longer be with them in the future.
Human Beings Are Never Gonna Be Perfect
Before I bring this review to a close, I would like to make several comments on the finale as a whole, now that I have thought about it over.
To be honest, while they mostly stuck the landing for the finale, I don’t like the pacing and how the ending played out. I feel that Ted should have taken up Rebecca’s offer on bringing his family to England instead of him going back to Kansas. Ted is truly more at home in Richmond than he will ever be in Kansas. His found family is there, in Richmond. I just feel that, for him to just fly back to Kansas is like throwing away the relationships he had built over the 3 years of his coaching career in AFC Richmond. But we never really knew how his life was prior to England. Maybe he does have friends to go back to, or maybe he is homesick. Regardless, I think it is such a shame that Jason Sudeikis chose to have Ted Lasso go back to Kansas. It would have been beautiful for him to stay with the Richmond family. And that wedding between Beard and Jane? I refuse to believe that that is real due to its sheer ridiculousness (Ted wasn’t there!), and will canonically believe that it was Ted’s dream.
I also don’t like how there are several big moments in this season that mostly happened offscreen. I’m not saying they should put all of them onscreen, but the important ones such as why Nate quitted West Ham, the Richmond team discussing on bringing Nate back, Ted’s truth bomb. It would have more of an impact if these were unfolding onscreen. There will be more weight on Nate redemption and the team’s forgiveness towards Nate, for example.
Now, I have seen quite a lot of people who are angry that TedBecca did not happen. Some argued that the series used tropes commonly used in romantic shows to build up the relationship between Ted and Rebecca as more than just friends, deceiving the fans. And from the way the scenes between them are shot, I can understand why a lot of the TedBecca shippers think that way. To be fair, one can argue that this is the showrunners’ fault for having framed the scenes that way. But, with all due respect, I have never seen them as anything more than really great friends who have nothing but support and massive respect towards each other. Maybe it’s because I don’t really watch a lot of romance movies/series to really know those tropes. But I just don’t see it.
We have to remember that Ted was struggling internally, his emotions were all over the place as he was struggling to cope with divorce. Rebecca also struggled with self-worth after the public divorce with Rupert, and her obsession with destroying Rupert’s life from the start of the series. Both of them were not in a good place, but both understood and supported each other during those tough times. To automatically translate that closeness as seeds for romance is to generally assume that all relationships between man and woman must end up in a romantic/sexual one. Not saying that it couldn’t happen, but the assumption for it is what bugs me. Rebecca has become a confident woman, and she deserves a person who can make her feel like she’s struck by lightning. And honestly, I just don’t see that spark between her and Ted. I likened their friendship to the ones I have with my male friends. We are very close to the point of being able to be vulnerable with each other, but we’re just good friends.
On the other hand, the Dutchman’s subplot is honestly also weak, even though it’s quite a nice subplot. If the showrunners wanted Rebecca to end up with the Dutchman, just showing him in one episode is honestly not enough. They should have given more time to really develop his character, maybe trying to find out who Rebecca is or vice versa, so the payoff would have felt better. While I do like that Rebecca had found the Dutchman again, I don’t feel satisfied with it because we didn’t get to know more about this guy.
Overall, despite its shortcomings and weak subplots, I walked away from “Ted Lasso” with tears in my eyes. I love this found family so fucking much, every single one of the Richmond players are so dear to me. In fact, this is the only thing that caused my separation anxiety. I have always rooted for the team and for having front seats to their growth is something that is heartwarming to see.
“Ted Lasso” challenged us to become better human beings. And to always strive for kindness, even if that is impossible to be done. To entirely dismiss “Ted Lasso” as annoying or sickeningly positive only shows that you have missed the entire point of this show. Heck, this show deals with mental health and how important it is! Not every show have to be like “Succession”; shows can be either deep or lighthearted and still can be full of lessons that all of us can learn from. The ending could have been better, sure, but I will take what I can get. And I can say that I am quite satisfied with the ending, and I will terribly miss AFC Richmond.
