6 Fitbit Alternatives I’m Still Waiting For

Image courtesy of PixabayCC0

I went through two Fitbit’s in less than two years. They’re fun little devices, but in hindsight I don’t feel they encouraged any life altering changes on my part. While your mileage may vary, and I’m sure it does, there has been recent research suggesting the same.

If you look at them as more of a smart watch that can also do some exercise stuff, I think the prices become easier to justify. The loss of Pebble to Fitbit was heartbreaking to me, as I had only just discovered how cool these wearable’s were, but even still, I found myself constantly yearning for more and better features from nearly every contender in the smart watch category.

But yearn no more! I have outlined 7 amazing alternative Fitbits we may yet see in the future. There is always hope..

The Debtbit — Connects to your bank accounts, wealth management services, and student loan providers. By determining how much money you have versus how much money you owe, your watch provides an up-to-the-second display of your deeply negative equity . Crippling emotional stress has been proven to cause weight loss. $599.95 + $99 subscription fee.

The $hitbit — Records the time you spend in the bathroom while at work, calculates the hourly rate based on your pay, and displays how much money you’ve sucked from your company while texting from the toilet. $99.99, only comes in brown.

The Counterfit — This one doesn’t actually do anything. It doesn’t even tell time. It has a random assortment of lights that make no discernible sense, but they will arbitrarily illuminate throughout the day to create the impression you are actually accomplishing something. Feel great without losing weight. $9.99

The Commitbit — Syncs with your work and personal calendars to compose a master list of all your possible social engagements. Then, using patented P.A.I.N. technology, your Commitbit will shock you with 10,000 volts every time you flake out on your friends. $89.99, must be recharged after each use.

The Doesntfit — It’s perfect. It’s light. It’s feature rich. And, it comes in two sizes: small and large. Unfortunately, the small is modeled on the wrist of an emaciated toddler, and the large was solely designed to fit around the neck of Andre the Giant. Otherwise, perfect. $199.99 for small. The large is so useless it’s free.

The Unfitbit — Each day it shows you a calorie goal and three random foods. You must meet the calorie goal before midnight using all three foods in each and every meal. The first to die is immortalized on a plate at the Broad Street Diner in Keyport, New Jersey. Only $69.99, but your life and health insurance co-pays will sky rocket.

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated C. Raymond Cruz’s story.