I Know What It’s Like — A Poem about Trauma

I know what it’s like to live in the dark,

to breathe it in,

to feel myself dying in it,

to try and exist far beyond it.

I know what it’s like to have flashing memories,

so far in the past,

yet blinking directly at you,

swallowing you within its hold.

I know what it’s like to feel different from everyone else,

to know that others don’t share your pain,

to know that others don’t understand what it’s like,

and that they will probably never understand it.

I know what it’s like to be reminded of it everywhere,

even when all the triggers are pushed aside,

even when you’ve done everything to stay safe,

but the main reminder is still present: you.

I know what it’s like to blame yourself

for something you could not see,

something you could not escape from,

yet still feeling like it’s your fault every step of the way.

I know what it’s like to feel anxiety

in every step you take,

every twist and turn and every stable route,

yet the anxiety still returns.

I know what it’s like to feel so far from reality,

to feel lost and abandoned

in a dark abyss

too distant to be seen or heard or cared for.

I know what it’s like to feel this way,

I know what it’s like to die in this place.

And I know what it’s like to be reborn.