Incy Wincy Spider

NEWSFLASH

Nearly all spiders are venomous, and most of them are gonna bite. It’s what they do, they’d starve to death otherwise. The good news is, our skin is too tough for most of the little cherubs that reside in the good ol’ United Kingdom. If they could get through your hide, their venom is so weak, it wouldn’t cause you any problems. So why are people so insistent on blaming them for every lump and bump that they find on themselves. All this scare mongering about ‘Deadly’ false widows, what a nonsense. There is a clue in the title… FALSE. Yes some of them have got a bit big, that’s because of our milder weather (could have fooled me, I’m freezing). Some of them may have a pop at sinking their fangs into you if you piss them off, no, seriously, they might. Big ones may actually get through your skin, if they find a soft spot. Are they going to kill you. Probably not. Unless you have an allergy to them, I doubt you’d suffer any more than an uncomfortable blister.

Go travelling and now we have a whole lot of other eight legged beasties to think about. Black widows, red backs, brown recluse, camel spiders. Now here’s something that may come as a shock. Camel spiders are not spiders, sure, they have eight legs, but so do scorpions, ticks, and Little Mix, and I know which one I’d rather find in my sleeping bag. Camel spiders also don’t eat camels, nor do they run after people. They do like to stay in the shade, out of the sun, so you’ll find them in shadows, yours if you stand still long enough.

Anyway, joking aside, there are some spiders out there that CAN cause you problems. So which ones are they and what do you need to do if one munches down on you. Firstly, there are several ‘recluse’ spiders, the brown recluse is only found in the southern and eastern US. So if you live in Florida… Then we have the Black Widow, Red Back and some other varieties across the globe. Tarantulas on the whole are not too bad, and most will not bite you, some might flick hairs at you and some even spit, dirty sods.

Most of the recluse spiders victims, tend to seek medical help some days after being bitten, which make identifying the culprit difficult, but the symptoms are usually an intense itch, redness, swelling and pain. So if you experience these symptoms, get medical advice, especially if they continue getting worse in the first 24 hours. If there is a redness spreading away from the bite, clear or yellow liquid leaking from it, pain getting worse with numbness, or any other strange colours around the bite that looks like an archery target, halo or bullseye, get to see a doctor. Another question you should be asking here is, “is my tetanus up to date?”

My biggest worry if bitten by a spider would be, is the person allergic to them. The same really goes for any bite or sting. So, swelling, shortness of breath, rashes, and feeling faint are all danger signs. Take a look below so you know what anaphylaxis looks like. medical help is now needed fast.

As Widows and recluse spiders have stronger, more highly evolved toxins in their venom, they act in different ways to your average Jo type of spider. These can damage muscle fibres, and wreck your nervous system, so this is one of those occasions when you should find a doctor quickly, especially if you experience symptoms away from the bite area. For example, sweating, feeling cold, headache, which may be severe. Any unusual aches and pains, stomach cramps, or indeed cramp anywhere, a fast pulse and generally feeling like crap.

As far as first aid goes, there isn’t a great deal anyone can do, other than maybe apply an ice pack and keep the casualty nice and relaxed. getting them to the emergency department is also a good idea if any of the above signs and symptoms are showing.

Finally, don’t waste money on those magical, venom sucking plunger type devices. They’re shit*. So save your money, or spend it on anti-histamines.

*technical term for ‘do not work’