Misconceptions of Disabilities
“A disability doesn’t have to be a social barrier. Good etiquette begins with inclusion, not exclusion” — Robert M. Hensel.
When it comes to people with disabilities, people get a lot wrong. Sometimes on assumption by strangers, but also close friends and relatives, even caretakers. And the funny thing is, even (or especially) the closest people talk over us. As if their perception of our struggle (or their own struggle taking care of us) is more important or more valid than our own experiences and feelings about what we live with every single day of our lives.
So buckle up, and let’s talk and learn about misconceptions of disability.
If they are physically disabled, they must be mentally disabled as well.
This can be true in some circumstances, but not in all or even most circumstances. Just because someone is in a wheelchair for example, doesn’t mean he’s retarded. It could just be his legs are paralyzed or his motor skills aren’t great, or he has chronic fatigue. But his physical disability may effect his facial structure, or how he talks. For example, he may drool and talk very low and “loose” like he doesn’t have full control over his tongue or jaw. This is part of a physical disability, not a mental one. But just because he doesn’t have the motor skills to move his legs or control his jaw, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an intellectual capacity. He very much could be really smart, you just have to find out by talking to him like a person and not a child.
Every physical disability can be seen
Nope. We really need to change the disability sign to something more universal. But fun fact, especially if you were a woman, if you claimed you had an “invisible disability”, the cops (or government or whoever) would take you out of your own home, and into an asylum sometimes with shock therapy until you were “fixed” or dead. See, invisible disabilities were seen as hysteria basically, and only removing the child/adult from the home away from “accomplices who were convincing you that you were sick” would you get better. I highly suggest watching “Unrested” documentary on Netflix.
I made that comment to show you why we’re only recently seeing invisible disabilities play out now. First of all, because of modern medicine advancing. Before modern medicine, the people who were born with invisible disabilities would have just died off. Take me for example, VACTERL was only known how to treat in the late 80’s early 90’s. If I wasn’t born in the 90’s, I would have died from my condition as an infant. But just because they know how to treat in order to let us survive DOES NOT mean we’re cured. We still have defects we will live with for the rest of our lives. We’re just good enough to be alive, but still need ongoing care because of the other defects so that…you know, we don’t still die. Secondly, a long time ago (and even today in some countries) people with disabilities were just locked away. Sometimes in their own homes, but most of the time in asylums/hospitals and they wouldn’t let them go out into society. So as a result, we never got to see people with disabilities or hear about their own stories. We were just taught that they were weird, dangerous, dingbats. And again, the notion that invisible disabilities were just “hysteria” and not real, only a ruse because women had hormones or some shit.
OKAY so back to disabilities can be clearly seen. This really means things like being in a wheelchair, missing limbs, face deformities, etc. But you can have defects on the inside of your body. Something common that we all know is heart and lung problems, right. Did you know you can be born with defects in your heart/lungs? I used to have a hole in my heart, and I think a murmur as well. But, also I don’t have muscles in my intestines so food doesn’t digest/go all the way through on its own. My intestines themselves are formed “complicated” and have loops. My spine is not just at an S, but I have hemi-vertebra, butterfly vertebra, fused vertebra, arthritis in the spine, all kinds of things. I have DOUBLE the female organs. It’s not the end of the list, but I could be here forever listing off every single defect. Point is, all of these are invisible. Some of it can be life threatening, others are mobility threatening. But you can’t know it just by looking at me. I LOOK like a “normal” person, until you put me under some kind of scan. “Then everyone loses their minds!”
Yeah, some doctors when they see me in a scan they freak out and think I’m going to die any minute now. It’s frustrating and funny at the same time.
But, invisible disabilities are a real thing, and need to be taken very seriously. For some people, it’s life or death in some situations. And if you see a “walking” person parked in the disabled parking space, think twice. They may have a lung problem that makes it hard to go even short distances without getting winded. Maybe they have a muscle disease that isn’t so bad they need a wheelchair yet, but it’s still hard and painful. Not everything is what you see.
Pain isn’t ever chronic and can go away with time or will power.
I get why this is a misconception. “You get a bruise, it heals. Get some stomach pain, take this pink liquid you’ll be fine. Broken bone? Ah, give it a few months”. Normal people don’t have defects, so the only pain they feel is from pushing too hard or falling or getting into fights, etc. THEIR wounds heal. Well, probably because they’re wounds. Not defects. The “constant pain” they face, is constant but dull back and joint pain that they get used to with time. They can pop an advil and be cool for the day. Here’s the kicker: The fact that an advil can work for their pain, shows how “dull” the pain really is. Even if it’s still there, lingering. Let me ask you, is your pain so bad you need to lie down, or you feel like you’re going to cry (or actually cry)? Have you ever been in so much pain that you literally screamed almost the entire day? Has your pain ever been so bad, that your scream came out silent? If not, you don’t know what chronic pain is. If you have but you healed, you don’t know what constant chronic pain is like.
Our pain is part of a defect of some kind, it is part of our disability. Which means it never. goes. away. It’s a hard thing to grasp, pain being permanent. But I think that’s because anything being permanent is hard for us to grasp. Look how we treat death. We avoid talking about it at all costs. We don’t understand it. We fear it. The only exception to this is religion, but even so, we talk about how we can be a good slave/worshipper/sinner NOW so that when we die we can go to heaven. But we don’t fixate on the death itself. We don’t talk about the death itself.
Our pain can be chronic, and it can be constant. We live with it everyday. We’re just used to it sometimes, we’re used to putting on a normal face for the sake of others, even for ourselves. Just because someone doesn’t show that they’re in pain, doesn’t mean they’re not. Just because someone is constantly “complaining” about pain, doesn’t mean they seek attention. They just want a solution to make it stop.
Oh yeah, and the so-called “opioid crisis” isn’t from doctors throwing pills at the patients so easily. TRY to get opioids right now, I dare you. The problem becomes when they’re CUT OFF and they can’t deal with the pain anymore so the only choice is a) kill yourself or b) take a more dangerous, but cheaper and more accessible drug called heroin. It’s a needle crisis, not a pill crisis.
Disability can be cured with diet and excersise
Erm, no. Sometimes it helps, especially “diet” if you have digestive defects. But it’s not going to cure anything. Especially excersise, here’s the thing. If you have chronic pain, or a muscle disorder/defects or bone defects, certain excersises can HURT you, and/or make your condition degenerate at a faster rate. This means if you don’t have a mobility aid yet, but you push yourself in excersise, well son you’re going to get a cane/wheelchair sooner than you had to if you had just taken it slow. So, let’s take me for example because I’m the best I know. Even my SPECIALIST said I shouldn’t do weights, lift heavy things, do any kind of “impact” excersises such as running or jumping jacks, the like. Now, here’s the thing: People who JUST HAVE A CURVE can probably do some excersises fine, and excersises might be the best thing for them as long as they aren’t in the degenerative stage yet, or if they are able to have surgery/brace. But when you get to my stage, where the spine is LITERALLY DEFECTIVE IN A LOT OF WAYS then you have to be careful with it. Here’s why: It’s the same reason why people get arthritis from walking/standing for 8 hours every day of their lives. It’s the same reason why people get really bad arthritis in the hands at 70. Everytime you move, your cartilage breaks down, things are grinding against eachother. Eventually, the cartilage can break down so much that there is only bone. And then when you move, your bare bones are grinding on each other. Cartilage is our bodies cushion for our bones. It’s how we have full range of motion. At my stage, bones can be close to popping out on their own, grinding against eachother, and losing range of mobility. Ironically, it gets worse when the body tries to “correct itself” because of this, and it creates more problems, and more inflammation. I basically have the bones of a 70 year old. Would you tell your grandma to jog down and up the stairs with you?
People with disabilities can’t work
Actually, a lot of them can. It’s just that it’s seen (to the boss/company) as a burden to hire them. My DAD who is an advocate for me told me to downplay my disability if I ever want to get hired. To lie and say I’m not in as much pain as I am, or that I can do X, Y, Z, (when I probably can’t) because otherwise I won’t get hired as I will be seen as “too much”. He was the manager of everything at the hotel, and was in charge of hiring/firing everyone.
We may have the intellectual capability to do work, we may even have the physical capability to do work, and many of us do. However, it’s not talked about enough that a LOT of people with disabilities can’t get hired because of their disability. But, not “solely” because of their disability, but because of the limitations the disability may bring to the job. (such as not being able to sit/stand for long periods of time, not being able to pick up things, having to take days off because of doctor appointments or sudden hospital stays etc.) At a “professional standpoint” the disabled person just wouldn’t have the skills/qualifications as the abled person who can do all those things, and not take time off. (I’m saying this all very loosely, because I think it’s discriminatory/ableist to have to downplay everything just to get a job. BUT in a logical sense or from a business/capital standpoint I understand it).
HOWEVER, yes there are disabled people who can and do work.
People with disabilities can and should work
I know, contradictory to what I just said. But it depends on the context. Most people with disabilities can work, until they can’t. This goes into chronic pain, weak immune system, etc. And some people can’t work when they are in their 20’s. Yup. You heard me right. Sometimes their disability and/or chronic pain is so debilitating even in their 20’s they can’t work. Some if not a lot of disabilities can start in childhood (if they weren’t born with it) and get worse overtime. I mean, this doesn’t make us stupid. We would still have the mental capacity (by which I mean our intelligence) to be good at a job, but our bodies are failing faster while our minds are still in tact. Which makes being unemployed very emotionally debilitating and guilt-ridden, since we know “if our bodies were normal, we could do X”.
I want to reiterate something I keep saying but everyone wants to work. Nobody wants to be a “burden on society”. Everyone wants to do SOMETHING in life. Everyone has a dream. Even the so-called “free loaders” are just very depressed, maybe stuck in addiction, maybe stuck in insecurity. NOTHING is as black and white as it seems. I say this because a lot of people think the unemployed want to be that way, that they’re lazy, even people who have disabilities are looked at this way.
It’s either: They’re disabled so they can’t work and shouldn’t be seen in the work force, bad for business.
Or: Because Sally with a disability is working, John who also has a disability should work, despite their different needs and/or symptoms.
