Part 1: Defining Patriarchy
Before we go on this journey let’s get a few things straight.
Breaking it down.
Patriarchy is a political-social system that insists that males are inherently dominating, superior to everything and everyone deemed weak, especially females, and endowed with the right to dominate and rule over the weak and to maintain that dominance through various forms of psychological terrorism and violence.
-bell hooks, The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
Following bell hooks, we understand patriarchy is a way of thinking that has structured society for thousands of years. Patriarchy is an idea that is treated as a law of nature- real men win, real men deserve to win, no matter the cost. Life for men under patriarchy is strictly about winning and losing. Patriarchy teaches men that we should win every interaction because losing comes with stiff penalties.
When a man loses an argument he doesn’t just lose the argument, he loses respect for himself because winning is proportionally related to the status of one’s masculinity. The imperative to dominate shows up in our daily life and turns any interaction with a little bit of friction into a referendum on the state of everything. Being wrong/ed is difficult for everyone, but men are given two choices either fight or shut up, neither one actually resolves the issue, so many men have to be taught by women how to actually solve an issue. Men who don’t question what they’ve been taught about how men “should” react to things can’t see the problem and thus can never truly solve it.
In part 2 we’ll talk about why dominance is linked to masculinity.
To fail to be dominant is to fail to be a man.
Any man who can not make others do his will is a failure destined for victimization. Anyone who dares question patriarchal norms is an open target for insecure men trying to shore up their position in the hierarchy. That’s why 8chan exists and women and queer people receive so much abuse online. Being a patriarchal man is a dichotomous game, you’re either dominating or being dominated.
It is important to recognize that patriarchy isn’t particularly concerned with the well-being of men. Patriarchy is a way of organizing a society that favors dominance and fears vulnerability. Unconditional dominance, and maintaining unconditional dominance is its only real concern. Perhaps patriarchy finds a home in the male body because long limbs, big frames, and testosterone makes it easier to physically dominate others, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Anyone who wishes to gain recognition in a patriarchal society can do so by establishing and maintaining unconditional dominance, including women, and other people. This privilege ain’t free though. Non-men who exhibit dominance are more, or less, mascots in patriarchy. Cis-heterosexual men face a particular type of quandary because their gender identity is being held hostage by patriarchy.
Male privilege has a cost.
It’s an understatement to say that men are the main beneficiaries of patriarchy, but that privilege comes at the cost of our humanity.
Men in patriarchal societies are taught to disregard their own emotional needs almost entirely. Many men deny even having emotional needs- this is a side effect of the domination model of masculinity. Empathy is the enemy of domination so to practice empathy towards oneself threatens a man’s ability to dominate. The belief that men who show too much empathy are “soft” is an example of how men are deterred from leaving the path of domination.
Men in patriarchal societies are expected to be “hard” invulnerable, unfeeling, and thereby, less than fully human. No matter how badly a man may have been injured, the only emotional response society is prepared to receive from him is anger.
Those who fail to sufficiently dominate their grief, sadness, sexuality, or even their joy can never be “real men” because they can’t act with impunity. If a man acts out violently in public at least half his audience will defend him, but if a man sobs while receiving an award, his moment of vulnerability becomes a funny meme. It seems like you can’t be both a healthy emotionally intelligent person and a real man at the same time.
There are many men who are uncomfortable with doing what patriarchy requires of them. This series is written for them, but anyone can benefit. When we speak of men under patriarchy we speak mainly about cis-heterosexual men, but when we speak of masculinity we mean to encompass anyone who identifies as having a masculine side (and we encourage you to tell us what that means to you!). We’ll leave the definition of masculinity itself to another series.
This series explains the why and how of patriarchy. Why do we believe what we believe in patriarchal societies, and how does it create the conditions we find ourselves in? In this series, we will identify three ways patriarchy informs and deforms our lives in the 21st century:
- Sexism and Misogyny
- Homophobia and Transphobia
- Environmental Abuse and Neglect
Following that, we’ll talk about how it all adds up to toxic masculinity and then explain what creative masculinity is and how it’s a direct response to the dire straights of current masculinity.
We hope you’ll come along with us because what’s next is exciting.
What’s next?
In the next part, we’ll try to explain how patriarchy came to be the dominant force in organizing human society.
Our guiding questions are:
- If we take nothing for granted, why does patriarchy favor men?
- If we take nothing for granted, what makes patriarchy effective at building society?
Do you want to talk about this?
Creative Masculinity hosts weekly Drop in Groups for conscious people who identify as men. Go here to see this month’s dates and sign up.