Part 4: How Patriarchy Creates Homophobia and Transphobia

A picture of a hairy fist in the dark with the word hate written across the fingers.

What’s so bad about being different?

Historically, not every patriarchal society has been homophobic or transphobic. Many Native American cultures, for example, embraced differences in sexual orientation and gender expression as spiritual gifts. But the vast majority of patriarchal cultures have been homophobic and transphobic. And most contemporary patriarchal cultures are both, often aggressively so.

Why?

The empirical realities are clear: There are differences in sexual orientation and gender expression. Such differences appear to occur across a spectrum, with everyone experiencing some degree of variation along a continuum. There has never been a society in which these differences have not occurred. They are simply facts about the human species. Yet many experience these differences as deeply threatening, and feel they should not exist at all.

This gives rise to a question: Why are differences in sexual orientation and gender expression experienced as a problem??

How patriarchy creates homophobia

A stylized picture of a man showing disgust by covering his mouth.

By homophobia, we mean an aggressive aversion — if not outright hostility — to anything that isn’t heterosexual. Where misogyny aggressively rejects anything understood to be feminine, homophobia aggressively rejects anything understood to deviate from heteronormative standards.

There appear to be at least two reasons why differences in sexual orientation are experienced as a problem, both of which trace back to patriarchy.

First, as we noted in Part 3: How Patriarchy Creates Sexism and Misogyny, sex under patriarchy is a reward for complying with patriarchal norms. That being the case, patriarchy teaches us that only men have the right to value sexual pleasure. Indeed, in most traditional patriarchal societies, the pursuit of sexual pleasure is the right and reward of the patriarch, and of the patriarch only. Only the patriarch is the arbitor of sexual access and reward. The sexual pleasure of non-dominant men is treated as secondary. Women’s actual sexual pleasure is seen as irrelevant. Under patriarchy, sex for women is supposed to be strictly about reproduction or economic exchange. Hence, women are allowed to give pleasure, or be used for pleasure. But the pursuit of their pleasure for its own sake threatens male dominance.

Second, there is the misogyny inherent in patriarchal norms. As we discussed in Part 3: How Patriarchy Creates Sexism and Misogyny, patriarchy makes denigrating and excluding anything understood to be feminine a central part of performing masculinity. Among the things to be excluded is the experience of penetration, which is understood as a “feminine” — and hence, denigrated and excluded — way of having sex. Patriarchy teaches men that penetration of any kind is a profound threat to their masculinity. Any sexual act, consensual or not, in which a man is being penetrated, especially if that penetration is done by another man, is simply incompatible with performing masculinity as patriarchy understands it. Hence, disparaging penetration is an important part of performing masculinity, just as disparaging femininity is.

Not surprisingly, male curiosity about the bodies of other men is experienced as inappropriate. Women, for example, are allowed to acknowledge and appreciate the beauty of other women. And men are allowed to appreciate homosexual sex between women, as long as it brings pleasure to men. But no man is allowed to acknowledge and appreciate that another man is handsome.

How patriarchy creates transphobia

A stylized picture of a man showing disgust by backing up.

We are now in a position to explain why trans people pose a problem for patriarchy. When we speak of Trans people whose gender identity is different from the one they were assigned at birth.

Simply put, trans people break the rules.

Secretly most men wish they could.

The freedom of gender identity and expression embraced by trans persons disrupts patriarchal men and the gendered constraints they enforce upon themselves. It makes the constraints we live with painfully visible. Patriarchal cis men are saddled with merciless social expectations around their gender expression. Thus, cis men confront a painful forced choice. They can (1) continue to internalize the patriarchal norms and expectations imposed upon them as good and worth defending, or they can (2) break with patriarchal norms and expectations and, in so doing, be exposed as less than a man. Neither option is particularly appealing.

Thus, it may be that trans people’s hard-earned freedom shames men who remain committed to patriarchy. Either way, differences in gender expression are experienced as threatening to patriarchal men. For these men, the response to anything threatening is simple: It must be dominated.

“They” cannot be allowed to “get away” with “it.”

Undoing transphobia and homophobia

Two interlocked hands on a dark background.

In conclusion, patriarchal societies impose strict rules on men when it comes to sexual and gender expression. And men typically comply, playing by the rules of the game they’ve been taught to play, and dominating those aspects of themselves they need to dominate in order to be successful as patriarchal men. Those daring to break the rules are experienced as out of line and in need of correction, typically through acts of overt aggression. Homophobia and transphobia are the result, as is violence against homosexual and trans people.

Many men struggle to give and receive pleasure because they’ve been socialized to believe that only men who are aggressively patriarchal get to do that. Not surprisingly, pornography is the only place many men feel free to express and explore sexual pleasure. But since masterbation is a solitary activity, the need for connection goes unfulfilled.

Once again, there is a way out.

Any man who is interested in breaking free of these patterns can do so. They need only understand and embrace the power of grief.

It’s possible to create new ways of being men, but only if we grieve what we’ve been through. When we do so another person’s freedom won’t bother us because we’ll have walked out of cages of our own.

Next time, we’ll turn to the impact of patriarchal norms on the environment, and the central role of patriarchy in the patterns of environmental abuse and neglect currently confronting our world.

Do you want to talk about this?

Creative Masculinity hosts weekly Drop in Groups for conscious people who identify as men. Go here to see this month’s dates and sign up.