I write this on the eve of my 37th birthday sitting in a burger joint in Salt Lick called Fat Jacks. I just consumed a delicious monstrosity of a cow called The Big Stinky. That and two Uinta Golden Spike brewskis has me in deep(ish) thought.

I’m now home. Well — the house where I’m staying in Utah. Bon Iver is playing as I write this. I’m in bed. Warmth abounds.

My thoughts on 36 going into 37 are quite complex. I’m not sure I have the words for them. Just feelings.

This past year has been one of the most intense, unpredictable years I’ve experienced on this short time on Earth. A year I would not like to repeat again. YET, a year I wouldn’t trade back.

The things I’ve learned or am still learning grows daily. Never stop learning.

The truths still being revealed to me as I patiently busy myself.

My vulnerability is at an all-time high and it brings me a sense of peace. Piece by piece.

Love isn’t lost. Although I search for it within myself. Patiently waiting.

My soul has lived many moons and laughs at these silly 36 years. You know better Christopher. Laugh it off.

My self no longer wants to live as someone else. Someone other than my truest being.

All the years matter. But will this be the one? The one where I decide the outcome.

More heartache to come I know. You can handle all of these things. Breathe.

Do you know you can start or start over whenever you want? It’s not too late. I promise you.

Be grateful. Always. Grateful. I’m blessed.

I don’t say this enough but thank you for following this journey of mine. Your time is appreciated.

This is just the documentation of the journey.

Here’s to 36 more.