Insomnia, soul and a funny tired face.

Cristina Meca
Jul 21, 2017 · 3 min read

It is 6 am on a Monday and I´m awake already. Well I actually never fell asleep, so at least I won´t have to struggle with the wake up on a Monday biggest enemy. At this point, I´m seeing the day get lighter listening to some good soul music and I feel like a completely zombie but it kind of feels ok…

The worst you can do at night is to analyze your fears, your stress or the simple reason of why you are not being able to sleep. To be honest with you, I´ve been experiencing some kind of anxiety for the first time in my life and it comes from many reasons like being far from many people, like spending nights home alone hearing creepy noises, like having loads of work and things I still want to do, always in the back of my head. It is scary to feel this way because being used to have everything under control you feel like these feelings are escaping from your stable hands. At this point I don´t know if I should see someone to give me some relax techniques (but ain´t no money for that) or should I just join yoga classes that I find in Groupon? I´m relaxed anxious which means, I´m not panicking, it is all mental and I´m ok, there´s nothing wrong but I just feel nervous and that doesn´t allow me to sleep. But I do know how to relax myself, ok maybe I still don´t know how to make myself doze off but yes how to cool down. How? Easy for me, unfortunately not that easy for other people…but I just open my laptop let myself go with music and write about how I feel. And that is my main pill against my worried thoughts. Music is everything in my life. I always loved music but the past years I´ve been having such a personal deep connection with music and it has helped me many times that I´m going to find the way to make my own, play an instrument, sing or both. The love I feel for it is above.

Life is sometimes hard on you, and even if you are grateful for what you´ve reached and things are good, you can still miss some others, you are far from home, the pillar of your life and that mixed with being home alone plays against you trying to make you feel weak. But I just don´t want to get too deep, and come to realization thinking that it was just a bad sleep night, is just the darkness that makes me feel little, is just strong emotions kept on my chest.

Sun is up, and I´m going to get ready to go to work and get the DLR earlier than everyone, get a sit on the train and make myself a good breakfast at the office. Wow just saw my face and I look so funny with no sleep on. Please don´t piss me off today, I can already tell that I´ll probably be slower than other days. Give me a break. (18 days to my break in Spain: all that I need).

I´ll tell you something: it was definitely a really bad night; way too long and too lonely watching BBC news and UK border forces, listening to love soundtracks, to relaxation exercises and again creepy noises that put me on this funny face. It was not good. But a sunrise with soul music and some writing is being special so I´ll keep that as a memory, I´ll keep that as a coffee and as a let´s get the Monday!

………

I deeply hope you had a good-night sleep for both of us:)

I deeply wish you a wonderful Monday.

)
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