My Lover, My Wife

Cristiana Paun
Jul 24, 2017 · 3 min read
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I never knew what it truly meant to be vulnerable to someone until I met her
I never knew what it felt like to devote yourself to someone before her
To surrender your doubts, your egotistical fears
To make one person mean more to you than your own agenda, your own self

I never understood the theory, never felt it my bones with anyone
I had loved before, at least that’s what I imagined love would feel like
The rush, the attraction, the admiration, the loyalty and caring
That was love, of course it was, but this…
This ebb and flow of feeling, this desire to be around her, to hear her, acknowledge her
In all things, in all ways
This magnetic pull I, we have toward one another
It’s the closest I’ve ever come to an addiction in my life
No one has ever wanted me as clearly and as deeply as she does
It’s humbling…the truth of that thought, the frission it creates in my stomach and up my spine
She lights something in me, setting me in motion, where I would otherwise stall, fear, pause…
She lifts me with her words, her hands, her silence
She does nothing that would defeat me, our purpose
She’s taught me to be a better man,
And she doesn’t even see that she has…
She leads me by example and pulls my heart into my throat with admiration…

I was fascinated before I even knew I was falling
We laughed like children do in the rain, getting away with running off from our parents
We spoke like old friends reunited after a firestorm
Battle scars and melancholy memories settling between us
Never allowing the all too pressing feelings of defeat to linger
She’s a survivor, teaching me to chose to be one too

I was enchanted by her magic, by her strength, she’s nobody’s victim…

My teacher, my inspiration,
My strength and honor rest inside her eyes

And when she let me in, let herself lean on me…
I surrendered my heart to her on my knees willingly
There was nothing in those moments I wouldn’t promise her,
knowing she would never even ask…
But she was mine in those moments, I finally knew
And when she looked at me, her amber tear-shot eyes finally making contact,
She understood something painstakingly essential,
She saw my resolve, my choice

And I will never forget the look on her face as she waited for the feeling to fail,
For it to be a momentarily lapse of mistaken charitable pity under the guise of commitment
I never knew until that moment that she never believed anyone could truly love her
All that she was,
All that she tried and could be
not just certain appealing nuances
But I could, I would, and I did…

Her hopes,
Those last brave tethers still remaining beneath that gallant armor of jaded experience
They sealed my fate, they made me a champion…
Unyielding, unwavering, undetered by anyone or anything ever again

I was full to bursting with determination, with energy and momentum
No matter what I would have to go through, she would be mine
She would choose me at every turn
She would trust me in every moment…

And I would be worthy of her love as she had more than proved to be worthy of mine
My beloved
My Lover
My Wife…

Inspired by:
Ivan Torrent — Icarus
Ivan Torrent — Dandelion

Completed July 24th 2017 17:15
Miruna C. Paun

Written by

Supporter of perpetual symbiotic duality. Writer, Photographer, Designer, Artist.

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