memories of the past I


me in my hometown

I haven’t even left the country and I already miss it. Just the thought of it — leaving home — makes me feel densely nostalgic, terrified, afraid. I’m still not used to that idea. Everything is already decided. The investment is made. There’s no turning back.

However, it doesn’t stop me from imagining different scenarios — what if I decided to stay?, what if I refused to leave everything I know and love behind?… — I know that it’s not worth it having this kind of thoughts. I know that it was a decision of mine, made with the unconditional support of my family. I know that it’s for my own good, for a better future with more doors and opportunities.

I know all of that.

Nevertheless, it’s still very, very hard to absorb all of that. I hope that this feeling is something temporary and that it will go away as soon as possible because sometimes it can be truly unbearable. It swallows my person, I get distant; nostalgia, fear, anxiety, everything starts to invade me…

I want to start in the best possible way this chapter.

I hope that everything goes well.

If not, oh well, just deal with it.

You will be fine.

Present — 12.07.2017

new town, somewhere in Birmingham.

It was a bit strange reading the previous words… I don’t know why. I feel like it wasn’t the same person who wrote it, although I was the author of the words.

It’s incredible how time flies and how much people change.

The fear that I revealed last year — it doesn’t exist anymore. It dissipated completely. I’m fine at this moment and yes, although I feel nostalgic, I got used to the absence of the people that were always around me during my old routine.

I learned and changed immensely by being at a new place and living with new people. It has been an incredible opportunity for me to feel uncomfortable in situations that were odd and new until I got comfortable with them. I consider this method as the only way to learn and to gain the capability of adaptability.

Therefore, the changes that occurred within me were natural. They weren’t forced. By being in an unknown environment, I adapted myself in my own rhythm. I gave time to myself to get to know every corner, observing new places, having no fear in taking part. In fact, I took every chance that appeared to meet new people or to expose myself to new situations. I wouldn’t have survived without Google Maps and my personal insistence to experience everything.

And all of that contributed to form the person I am today: someone who is more comfortable with herself, without the fear to face challenges or new circumstances. I feel like I grew up a lot, becoming a more responsible and aware person. I know that I’ll be able to adapt myself.

Context: I moved to the UK in September 2016 to study at the University of Birmingham.