Friendship In The Late 20s

No, I'm not talking about friendship in the wakes of the Industrial Revolution, I'm talking about friendship when you're past 25-years-old.

Friendship is a combination of two things:

  1. People that help you move out from your flat.
  2. Shared leisure time.

Sadly, after college your leisure time decreases and the free time you have left you spend it looking at your phone, but you'll still need a few hands to carry that couch 6 stories up to your new place. So you can't have the luxury of staying friendless. That's when friendship turns into prefabricated moronic events you share and infinite promises that will only take place when your friendship bar is turning red as if you were a Sim.

This is what friendship looks like when you're over 25.
"We have to get together some day."
"You're right. It's true. I don't know why we don't get together more often." What a load of crap.
"In 27 weeks there's this art show about the emptiness of the soul. We should totally be there."
"Oh, my God. That sounds great! I don't think I have a soul, but I'll be there."

And so, every encounter with friends is a stock photograph of some random dinner party.

So millenial.

And after a certain point we only talk about 3 things.


Yep, that thing we hate and we do every day just for the money. Boy, don't we love talking about it? We talk about it until we get really technical and people stop understanding (caring) and the mood turns into one of those you had to be there jokes.

"And then I pushed my changes to the cloud repository and that motherfucker never updated the automated tests as he said he did so the whole deployment rolled back."
"Son of a bitch."
What the hell is change?

Random memories

Yep, every meeting turns into a previously in… segment of my life. Same stories over and over again. This show is to put up-to-date the new love partners of your friends with all the boring adventures you've been to.

"Remember when we went rafting?"
"No, I had an accident and forgot several years of my life. I'm learning to love my family again. They've become total strangers."
"Oh, wait.
That time. Sure, it was fun."

Stuff you've bought

Do I even have to elaborate?

"I bought a PS4."
"Me too."
"Is your life complete now?"
"The search continues."

Other people you haven't met up with but you know this friend might have

Here's the thing, there's people we don't give a fuck about. We know who they are, and where to find them: Facebook.

Time isn't money, time is entertainment. Every second you spend with people you don't like is a second you don't spend browing Youtube or catching up with The Wire in HD. In a parallel dimension you're watching cat videos instead of avoiding talking about abortion because your friend is now an islamist fundamentalist.

"How's Andre?"
"He's fine. I saw him yesterday, helped him pick a new TV."
"I haven't seen him in ages. Still lives with his mother?"
"He never had a mother. He's an orphan."
"Wow. Plot twist, uh?"

Hanging out becomes a thing of the past, just like dinosaur bones or a Mullet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to be someone's Tyler Durden to live in the same house and burn their hands with corrosive chemicals while I preach about self-destruction, but I have to stage a Hunger Games parade just to see people I usually hanged out with very often. Thus, this post.

#ImportantThing. This isn't a complain, it's the way it is. Time is commodity and Game of Thrones ain't gonna watch itself.

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