Constructing Self-Care with a Hammer and Nail
This is not a drill.
Have you heard the phrase, Sometimes you’re the hammer, and sometimes you’re the nail? Brings up interesting imagery, doesn’t it? All of us know and relate to being the nail. Wham! It often comes out of left field and completely gets our attention. Some liken it to the 2 X 4 upside the back of the head. Not fun. We all know when we’ve been hit. It hurts.
Recognizing ourselves as the hammer can be more difficult. Sometimes it is obvious. Those of us who have raised children, especially teenagers, know what it is very well to be the hammer. No, you are not going to a coed sleepover while we are out of town, and no, you are not taking the car! Your license is 3 days old! No! Wham. Hammer moment.
The hammer/nail hypothesis seems to indicate that sometimes we act and sometimes we are acted upon. It is often a metaphor for whether we are making conscious choices or simply allowing ourselves to go along. Both ways of being are fine, as long as we have decided. Who is doing what, when can be open to interpretation. True power can be enhanced, no matter what our role, by embracing the very simple act of taking a moment. Simple, not easy.
The next time you feel like a nail, after you’ve stopped the bleeding and iced the bruises, go and sit quietly in your favorite chair. Deal with your emotions. Some of us will cry, some yell, some stomp around the house for a bit. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. After you’ve calmed down, bring out your own internal witness.
Ask yourself, What was that about? Why did these unpleasant things just happen? No judgement, no angst. Just an honest question. Sometimes the answer seems simple. I was distracted and I tripped over that bloody rug again, and bruised my knee. Go a little deeper.
Why were you distracted? Are you troubled by something? Is some issue taking up all your attention, such that navigating your own home is difficult? What is it? Can you do something about it? Ponder a bit. Don’t get down on yourself. After all, you’ve already been nailed!
Sometimes the distraction comes from the body. There’s this little nagging pain…. Bodies have many proven ways to get our attention. If we ignore them, they are quite skilled at getting a bigger hammer. It might start with a bit of distracted inattention with the consequence of a bruise or two. If we pay no attention and grouse at the body and continue to ignore it, it can up the ante.
Instead of resting, we push ourselves harder than ever. Instead of relaxing, we do more and more. And then we are shocked and surprised when we end of getting sick. Self-care is an on-going commitment to take excellent care of the most important person in your life. You. An afternoon off, reading a book in bed, can stave off a two week bout of pneumonia, if timed before the hammer gets large.
Learning to listen to the early warning messages from the hammer takes practice and follow through. Yet the rewards are so rich. Even if the hammer has already fallen and we’re in a smashed nail moment, we can take back our power and make a choice. Oh, I’m really bothered about my sister. That’s why I’ve been so distracted and tripping on things. I’m going to go call her right now.
It can be just as simple and easy as asking the body, What are you trying to tell me? The trick is listening and then following through on the answer. Very often, the body just wants us and needs us to rest. Time for a long decadent bath or shower.
We can learn how to hear the subtle tap on the shoulder. We can save that big hammer for really important moments, or sometimes just skip it altogether. Noticing how we spend our time and whether one aspect of our lives gets all of our effort and energy are good places to begin. We all need balance. When’s the last time you had fun? If you can’t immediately remember, it’s been too long.
Take a long walk or a hike, go to a museum or movie. Schedule a morning or afternoon away from all your electronic devices. Go out and do something fun with your kids, partner or friend. Take a nap or read a book. That short amount of time will do wonders for your health and enhance the spiritual, mental, emotional and physical aspects of your life.
Practice noticing the hammer and nail principle. We all miss it sometimes. Forgive yourself. Life is short. Smell the coffee and the flowers. Notice the beauty of our gorgeous planet. Feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. Rest and relax when you need to, or even when you don’t need to, just for fun. Remember joy. And leave the hammer and nails in the toolkit in the garage where they belong.
Cristina Smith uses plenty of hammers and nails in constructing her life. She is the award-winning, best-selling author of the Yoga for the Brain series. For a good time, check out her latest, Animal Wisdom Word Search: Yoga for the Brain.
©2019 Cristina Smith. All rights reserved.