So am I an entrepreneur or what is with these labels?

I stare out the window, and I see the bay bridge and a flag swaying in the wind in the distance. I’ve been at for a while trying to build a fashion brand of sorts or something else. Many people would have never expected me to build a fashion brand. I feel exuberant at some greater opportunity to prove them wrong, and then I falter to thinking to fear it will never go anywhere. My head fills with visions of the future. I think this is only the start of something all the more amazing.

I’ve been working at Roarshock Brands for a while now. I built one algorithm for designing new apparel. Then, I created some more algorithms. I figured out some different ways to use these algorithms to design different apparel items like t-shirts, leggings, towels, and more. I can create lot more with these algorithms, but apparently there is something more to it than just designing things. Some tell me if only I followed the magic formula to market these things, my sales will go through the roof ad infinitum. Still, I’m not so sure. Do I really know about marketing? I guess I should take lots of pictures and put them on Instagram. Is that what it is all about?

I can’t say I’m totally ignorant about marketing. I got my old boss the book “Influence: the psychology of persuasion” by Robert Cialdini, and it kinda seemed to work for him. I had a web design business at one time, and we marketed the hell out of it, but I think we would have done better if we’d spent more time on quality. I want to make sure I’m creating something really good.

Am I supposed to be a marketer now? How do I define myself? I’d thought of myself as a true mathematician for a time. Then, I was really a software engineer. Then, I was a data scientist. Am I supposed to be an entrepreneur now?. All these labels can try to define me, but do they really mean anything. Does it even matter? I guess I need to assemble some sort fo community or so I’ve been told.

The artistic instinct burns inside of me. Shall I truly care what I sell or what people think of me? Can I just strive for some vision of artistic perfection? The conflicting voices burn inside of my head. I have grand visions for the future, and yet anxiety seems to take me all too often. Why do I fell so anxious? What is this pressure inside of me to finish this at right this moment, and instantly have some amazing critical acclaim?

I remember reading of some Marshmallow experiment saying those who wait and delay gratification are the most successful. At times, it seems this is me. At other times, I struggle to delay clicking on to Reddit or some other site. How is concentration so hard for me. I know I‘ve achieved some seamless flow where I can concentrate fully with endless accomplishment for some time. Can I return to that flow? I try a bit of meditation. It seems to work for now. I’m back at it.

There is this marvelous vision within my head. This is only the beginning. So much more is to come. A smile brightens up my face as I think unto the future. How shall I define myself? Does it even matter? My thoughts are back to focused concentration, and now within some time something may appear. May this only be beautiful.