Step on the rocks, dummy, you won’t get wet

This phrase originated in a joke that I recall from my childhood. Seems St. Peter, St. Paul and Jesus were out for a walk through the meadow one day. They came upon a river in their path. St. Peter walked into the water and sank to his hips. St. Paul trekked twenty yards upstream and attempted crossing. Same result… he got drenched. Finally, Jesus stepped into the river and his feet miraculously stayed on the water’s surface as he strolled across. Sts. Peter and Paul looked dumbfoundedly at one another before turning to the Christ who, while pointing downward, told them to “step on the rocks, dummy… you won’t get wet!”

I know there’s a moral somewhere in all that. Maybe a simply lesson in practicality, if not in deceiving one’s friends. I’ve used that very principle, in an extrapolated version. I’ve always been a city-dweller, where “stepping on the rocks” is a necessity to survival. For instance, stepping off the rocks into the wrong neighborhood could cost dearly. Might even be fatal!

New York City, San Francisco, Hollywood, Los Angeles… all these domains in which I spent most of my life, tested the theory of “watch thy step” with voracity. Even my years in Tucson, AZ, Northern New Mexico and Pensacola, FL, equally attest to the inevitable. City, suburb and rural settings all require perspicacity and eternal vigilance if one wishes to remain healthy nowadays. Nowhere is sacred!

Even within the hallowed gated communities, someday, if not already, there will be hidden corners where rich, upper middle class junkies hang out, scratching their collective noses. They’ll keep within the gates and steal from each other’s families. Actually, I’m waiting for the time when a President’s offspring gets strung out and has to heist the White House silverware for a fix! The Chief will be able to stage a personal drug war right under his own roof!

    craig rory lombardi, bronx born

    Written by

    NYC incarnate. Snake hips chicken lips and other flights of fanciful whimsy. Musician, Renaissance Mo-Fo, Beatnik, Philosopher, Feminist. Purist of the impure!