The Clowns of Non-Committaldom

Yes, I once took residence in the land of the absurd… just another unappreciative, mis-deserving, near-ridiculous backside orifice. One of many.
Guess I was around 6, when I first peeked up the skirt of my baby-sitter. Since then, I’d have to consider my skewed interest in the wonders and mysteries of femininity borderline obsessive compulsive behavior. Damn… it’s been worth every minute, too!

I didn’t like school. Not at all. Grade school, junior high, high school, college–they all sucked. Education was mostly boring as shit. Plus I have this thing about authority–which is, I CAN’T STAND IT! I never would have stayed with the program if not for the fact that school was where all the girls were! I hate when that happens but, there it is.
My involvement with the various institutions of learning took place back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Yep. I went to Jurassic High in New Yawk Ci-taey, along with the other T-Rexes. I would have quit, too, except in those days, the girls had to wear skirts. That alone was enough to sustain my interest and keep me on campus.

Good grades came easy for me… which was fortunate, since most of the time I was turned around looking up dresses or standing under staircases with my neck crooked. I simply had to find out just what was up there, you know, at the top of all those terrific legs. I know. Sounds sickie but, I was no stalker. Only curious… and insatiable.
Ya know, once upon a time sex was a big secret. The opposite of today. In those days, condoms were hidden behind the counter in pharmacies, not advertised on television. Speaking of television–fifties & sixties style–if they were doing a brassiere commercial they had to use black, headless, torso mannequins to illustrate how the white, pointy supporters fit. Very sexy indeed. NOT.

The luckiest thing that ever happened in my life was my being blessed with talent in music. At a real opportune time. At 14, I sang in the most popular Doo Wop group around. At 16, after the Beatles, I hadda learn guitar. My group worked professionally 5 nights a week steady ’til I was 19. Between that and girls’ attitudes towards sex rapidly changing into revolutionary-type behavior, I was suddenly getting swarmed by teen-aged virgins wanting to spread their legs in my back seat! I felt it was my duty to be obliging.

By the time I got to San Francisco, in 1969, it got even worse. The women in Golden Gate Park were practically drooling with lust for sexual conquests. Again, who was I to refuse them??? Quite frankly, I got spoiled rotten, as they say. Variety was not merely the spice of my life… it had become the meat & potatoes, fruit & vegetables… you get the idea. Thus, I became infamous as a guy who “couldn’t commit.” Of course, in the seventies, many women were exactly the same. I guess those times were crazy.

I still insist that lots of real love took place. It simply didn’t last long. I got around quite a bit in San Francisco’s music scene.

Later in Hollywood, too. I was known. I didn’t pull the wool over anyone’s eyes. It was a wild and crazy scene. Pre-AIDS. Man, was I a lucky cat. Oh, I’d had a few longer lasting things. Not too long, that is, ’til I finally settled down much later. I haven’t cheated on the same girl in 25 years now. Just goes to show. I’ve had the best of both worlds. And I’m good friends with many old lovers from years gone by.



