Published in Slackjaw·Sep 6, 2022Member-onlyYou Call This Pizza?Excuse me, pizza store man? I think you may have accidentally handed me a piece of cardboard that you left out in the rain, a mangled slice of nuclear reactor waste, or a third thing that is also bad. Because I know what pizza is, and this? This isn’t pizza. …Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Dec 21, 2021A Chat With For Love Or Peanut Butter’s Kelly ShanleyFor Love Or Peanut Butter is a Slackjaw relationship column by Kelly Shanley that’s as bitingly hilarious as it is brutally honest. …Humor5 min readHumor5 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Dec 16, 2021Member-onlyLevel Up Your Driving Skills With This One Weird Hack: Using Your Turn SignalsDo you love driving, but hate when you smash your car into other cars? If this describes you, you’ll love this strange trick to help make smashing your car into other cars a thing of the past: using your turn signals. Right now you’re probably saying something like: “Turn signal…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Aug 23, 2021Member-onlyI Don’t Care How Many Samples You TakeA guide to interacting with your (paid to be) friendly neighborhood brand ambassador — I’ve read many a Twitter thread on how to best interact with waiters, bartenders, Uber drivers — but never one on my millennial side-hustle of choice: the humble Brand Ambassador. …Work4 min readWork4 min read
Aug 9, 2021Member-onlyI Can’t Stop Crying About An OwlBirding was my quarantine hobby — but then it became unexpectedly emotional — Like many people, I got into birding during quarantine. I didn’t set out to do, didn’t think “Oh, that’s a fun hobby I should try.” I slid into it gradually. Without anywhere to go in the summer of 2020, I was spending far more time hiking than usual, putting in…Nature10 min readNature10 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Jul 21, 2021Member-onlyScript For A Planetarium Show After All The Billionaires Have Moved To SpaceSince the dawn of time, mankind has told stories about the night sky. The ancient Greeks saw in the stars a mighty hunter, Orion, who was stung by a scorpion and placed in the sky by the Gods. The Romans believed Luna, the goddess of the moon, rode her silver…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Jul 7, 2021Member-onlyOur Underwear Ads Are Very Specific About What They’ll Do To Your NutsNut-havers of the world, are you sick of seeing an underwear ad and thinking: “Well, I like the idea of a buffer between the raw side of my Levi’s and my swampy ass pit, but what will such a contraption do to my precious nuts?” Don’t answer. We know you…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Apr 16, 2021Member-onlyI’m So Relieved To See My Parents For The First Time In Four MonthsThe pandemic has been an undeniably scary and strange time, but finally — at long last — we can start gathering together safely. I received my second dose of the vaccine a few days ago, so next week, I’m going to visit my elderly parents. …Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Apr 5, 2021Member-onlyThey Had To Reshoot The Entire Pilot Of Lizzie McGuire Because Of The Scottish Accent I Did (By Hilary Duff)We’ll figure it out on the way. — Some people believe I chose to do a Scottish accent in the pilot of Lizzie McGuire because of the popularity of the character Shrek. Not true! In fact, Mike Myers once confessed to me while in line for the loo at Musso and Frank’s that he did the Scottish accent…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in The Writing Cooperative·Mar 24, 2021Member-onlyHow ‘Succession’ Does Exposition (and Why It’s Okay It’s Sometimes Clunky)No one says “hey bro” in real life. But screenplays are not “real life.” — So every couple months, I see a tweet like this go viral:Sarah James10 min readSarah James10 min read
