Intro
Long before the “war” of Oct 7 2023 happened, in December of 2022, I wrote an article called “Here’s Why I’m Visiting Tel Aviv, Israel Next Summer!” It seems almost innocent and naive compared to today’s landscape, and it’s right here —
Well visit I did, and I spent my summer of 2023 exploring Jerusalem, the Dead Sea, the beaches of Tel Aviv, and hearing my tour guide talk about Jews, Zionists, Arabs, the Bahais, Druids, and we even had a group campfire (it was very very emotional, everyone cried talking about their personal lives) in a Bedouin camp. We visited Nusier Yassin’s house in an Arab village, Arraba, met his parents and were in for a whole feast they prepared. We also attended a Friday Shabbat, the Jewish Day of Rest, in a Jewish home. The organizer of the group was his then girlfriend, Alyne, a quasi-famous internet travel influencer who has done many great things and spoke about women’s issues around the world. She’s of American-Israeli-Jewish-Mormon background. I was in a group of about 12 people, 1 other Indian-Singaporean lady, another Thai-Canadian lady whom I knew from before, and the rest Americans, Canadians, or Latinas. Outside of the retreat, I met 3 different photographers, who came from very different backgrounds and had different stories of their lives in Israel. I visited a mixed martial arts gym, signing up for kick boxing and krav maga. I enrolled for a beautiful sunset yoga session on the rooftop with the entire class conducted in Hebrew, a language that sounded so foreign but exotic.
Now that I think about it, I should write a review on what I experienced that summer. The thing is, there was so much going on and not long after summer ended and I returned home, the attacks of October 7 came to be and all of a sudden, it wasn’t about reminiscing about my perfect summer holiday anymore, it was a very real war with very real issues.
To give you some context, I recently experienced a very difficult split from my partner that was very quickly escalating into a hostile situation. The relationship, especially towards its conclusion, was overwhelmingly destructive and this goes without saying, draining. He was a lawyer, with a specialization in litigation, an expert in the art of writing up a case, and he was not backing down from his position on all the wrongdoings I inflicted upon him. I was drained of life through the days, weeks, and months that it went on for. The whole process took a lot out of me.
I did love my partner, but it was just never going to work. The circumstances around our lives dictated that nothing would change the fact that we were going on two very different paths. He had his responsibilities, and he couldn’t be the support I needed to become the person I knew I was meant to be. He was holding me back, we both knew it. I had my fair share of wrongdoing, and I’m not going to deny it. What I was ashamed about, however, was the way I went about ending things. I couldn’t express that I wanted out of the relationship, and I’ll boil it down to not having the right words to say and maybe some inexperience in ending things the right way. Is there even a life manual on how to do that? It wasn’t exactly a clean break, I did some unsavoury things, and those carry their weight in sorrow, shame and guilt. No matter how you slice it, we both did each other dirty. It was a painful process, especially because we loved each other, but it was not working. Today, I carry the belief that love isn’t the be-all and end-all. There are so many other things that come into play to make a relationship work. My biggest issue in this one was not being the priority.
Now coming off the back of this breakup and carrying those heavy emotions in my heart, I needed to change the channel a little bit, go outside and see my friends. But that’s a challenge when you just spent months in a different country, moving to be with your partner. It’s a challenge when you move back home but most of your friends had already left to go back to their countries, on the onset of the Covid pandemic. Suddenly, I was all alone.
I saw Alyne advertise that she was hosting a trip to Israel the following summer, and I signed up immediately.
To say I was excited about finally getting to visit Israel despite everything happening around me is an understatement.
I had long heard of Jerusalem, a holy place that held importance in Christian, Jewish and Islamic religions.
I heard about this place through little anecdotes hidden in music and film. Growing up, while the girls my age were obsessed over tantalizing Britney Spears and rich-bitch Paris Hilton, or even emo-core Avril Lavigne, I listened to Hilary Duff and watched all her Lizzie McGuire cartoons. She just seemed like the simple, pretty, blonde girl next door, and I liked her for that. In one of her songs, “Jericho”, there’s a line that goes — “I will follow where you go, one more mile to Jericho. The walls will tumble, but I’m not gonna cry.” I sang this song loudly on end in the living room, along with the other songs on her album, on an old school CD player. At that time, my parents were still together, it was on a weekend, and I remember my mum showing concern over some of the lyrics on lipstick and hair because she thought I was “growing up too fast” and gave me a small warning not to let my dad hear it. That remains one of my favourite childhood memories.
Fast forward to my 20s, I had always been in a network of festival, party-going friends who enjoyed house, electronic and techno music. My American friends living in Asia would tell me their epic stories of going to Burning Man, this amazing experience in the desert of Las Vegas, Nevada. Not only that, long before I entered the party scene, I came across, completely by chance, this blog of someone who went there detailing their amazing experience, while I was doing my research paper for my capstone project in school. I was enthralled upon making this amazing discovery. Of course, the experiences didn’t stop there. The Burners would crossover into similar music and art experiences like the Day Zero festival in the Masada desert, ie. the desert of the Dead Sea in Israel, (which is now cancelled btw because of obvious security reasons) and Midburn, Israel’s version of Burning Man, with a focus on community, art, self-expression, and self-reliance in the Negev Desert, south of Israel. There’s even a Burning Man store in the heart of Tel Aviv city, with all sorts of peripherals like jewelery, sand goggles, and creative outfits made for a desert festival. I thought that visiting Israel would be like a little taster into the wonderful world of Burning Man before I made the full-on trip to the US myself. Being physically very far away, Israel felt like a nice halfway point in the trip in my mind.
Back to present day — I guess, on the inside, I wanted to connect to something higher. I was seeking forgiveness. Forgiveness for all the wrongdoing I had done toward my partner. Hope that maybe he could forgive me too. Hope that maybe we could be friends, but in hindsight, was wishful thinking. At that point though, there was very little for me to go on with. But name me a better place to seek forgiveness, than in a place where all 3 monotheistic religions that don’t always see eye to eye, can agree is important and acknowledge its profound religious significance — I bet there is very few.
Maybe I was expecting some great awakening by God to whisper secret messages in my ear while visiting the holy land of Jerusalem. Maybe I would get some great epiphany whilst counting my steps as I walked around the Golden Dome. Maybe I would touch the Western Wall and a vision of God would flash before my eyes. Whatever it was, I wanted to reconcile with a higher being and tell him I was sorry.
I found it very difficult to tell the group I was with what was going on in my personal life, and spent some time writing a message to God and stuck my little paper in the cracks of the Western Wall.
And that is why, in the months that passed, my upcoming summer Israel trip filled me with great anticipation. Throughout all my exposure in my 20s and in my childhood, I started to form an interest and understanding of their culture, despite limited encounters in my immediate environment, and cared deeply for my friends who had some connection to the place. I was open to the potential for Israel to have some intertwine with my future and the people I cherished. But the outbreak of war, despite my not being Israeli, Jewish nor Arab, deeply disrupted and fractured my vision for the future. It was a big deal to me.
As of writing today, I am 1.5 months away from my 1 year anniversary of finally visiting Jerusalem and Israel. When I went there, I went for me — to explore a different culture, to recce the place I wanted to visit for so long, to envision myself coming here today and many more times over and more in the future, and at which point no sides were taken and I wasn’t forced to take a position of which “team” I supported. However, I do have my thoughts.
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room
Purim and Easter have both recently come and went. We are nearing the end of the holy month of Ramadan. Resurrections, fasting, feasting, suffering and peace — recurring themes that are universal and timeless. We hear similar stories from different religions and it makes them even more relevant today.
I alone am not going to change the trajectory of war and conflict in the Middle East. But I think I am still able to say what I believe, take constructive actions — meaning help where help is needed — and keep an open connection with friends, even those with differing perspectives. What does that look like?
I feel like I have to harp on this point. Take. Constructive. Actions. What do I mean by this? I have five points.
One —
Taking time to research and listen to what both sides are saying. Picking up a book written by a Palestinian author. Picking up a book written by an Israeli or Jewish author. Dedicating time to understanding the conflict involves engaging with various perspectives and stories. This includes not only diversifying your information source but also gaining a deeper understanding into the experiences and viewpoints of those involved. A book gives firsthand accounts and reflections, offering a more nuanced understanding from a first-person perspective. This allows for an empathetic approach to understanding all the complex dynamics at play.
Two —
Supporting humanitarian organizations that provide assistance to those affected by conflict, such as refugees, displaced persons, or communities lacking access to basic necessities like food, water, and healthcare. This could be organizations like the Red Cross or even a fundraiser your friend is raising awareness for. This could involve volunteering time, donating money, or raising awareness. I didn’t feel the need to advertise the fact that I did send some money to and help promote both the Singapore Red Cross for humanitarian aid and my friends in Israel who were organizing fundraisers to assist the families affected by the crisis, but I did do my part, and helped where I could. My discreet financial contribution to these initiatives aligns with my personal values of helping people regardless of the background they come from.
Three —
Supporting peacebuilding initiatives aimed at fostering dialogue, and reconciliation among conflicting parties. I have a friend who is Israeli whilst his wife is Palestinian. He understands this well, and is heavily involved in participating in peace conferences, supporting local peacebuilding organizations, and advocating for diplomatic solutions. I respect him for that, and we should touch base again soon when he isn’t so busy.
Four —
Recognizing that individuals aren’t their governments and can often disagree with the actions of those in charge. Think about all the liberals who don’t agree with gun laws in America, or even the conservative Republicans who would rather vote blue than see Trump become President again. People may not endorse the decisions or actions taken by their country’s leaders. This distinction is essential for fair and nuanced discourse. At which point is “the right for self-defence” crossing over to “going too far, mercilessly and relentlessly attacking someone at their most vulnerable moment?” There is a point in time where the IDF has gone too far and in light of this, I am motivated to delve deeper into the political landscape of Israel, particularly focusing on Benjamin Netanyahu’s leadership and policies. My upcoming astro piece will aim to provide an analysis on his tenure and its implications on the people of Israel, as well as the country’s ties to other countries in the Middle East and America. So, I encourage you to stay tuned and keep a lookout for this upcoming article.
This also brings me to my final point, that we have shared responsibility and ethics.
Five —
We often don’t realise what we share has power and we hold responsibility for what we share online. The medium is often the message and can either promote peace or spread divisiveness in the world. No one country or group leader can unanimously fix this without our help.
It is being aware that the situation in the Middle East is complex. It is removing yourself from propaganda and realising that spreading it further fuels hatred and divisiveness rather than fostering understanding. Sharing accurate information can counter misinformation and promote understanding. However, sharing the pain you feel on a public platform is not constructive. It only detracts. Engaging in fear-mongering or dwelling on drama might provide a temporary sense of feel-good, but it doesn’t lead to positive change. My question to those spreading propaganda is, what are the actions you are taking to improve the future? What are you doing now, to change the landscape of tomorrow? Or are you clinging on to the same pain because it feels familiar… comfortable?
I’ll give you an example. When the events following Oct 7 happened, I was shocked, no doubt. I felt helpless, not being able to do anything. At the same time, I saw an opening at the Singapore Red Cross for First Aid Training, and seized the opportunity to do something great. It included two segments — physical, which involves bandaging, CPR, epipens, and tourniquets, and psychological — knowing how to identify a distressed person and the right steps to take following a crisis. During this training, it was suggested that I might have been suffering from some psychological trauma — remember what I said earlier about a fractured vision of the future? It was almost as if I was there. I envisioned myself on the ground, giving aid like how a doctor would, working round the clock attending to them as the casualties piled up and people came in rolled on stretchers in the hospital with serious to fatal injuries. I decided to enrol in the Red Cross, because it meant giving some purpose to my pain – it couldn’t have been for nothing.
Often, we don’t fully grasp the power of what we share online and the responsibility it entails. Our words and actions can contribute to global divisiveness or help mitigate it. Resolving such widespread issues cannot be the task of a single leader acting alone, it requires collective action. We must all acknowledge our shared responsibility and commit to ethical communication to foster a more united and understanding world.
And so that concludes my five main points.
What’s going on in Palestine is without a doubt, regrettable. Now, Palestinians will continue to need external support and Gaza will require a more dependable, stable governing structure as conflict persists. I am confident that countries that can help, including Singapore, will step up diplomatically to aid in their rebuilding and governance efforts.
Meanwhile, maintaining my own ties with my Israeli, Arab, and Jewish friends have proven crucial in providing humanitarian aid to both sides of the conflict. Like what I mentioned earlier, my private donations to initiatives reflect my commitment to helping those who need help, irrespective of their backgrounds.
It is without a doubt troubling and distressing to see innocent people endure suffering on both sides — and that is the awful reality — civilians relegated as pawns in the grand chessboard display of leadership and power. Civilians caught in the crossfire at the hands of mismanaged governance and military factions.
Again, I have to harp on this. It is becoming clear that things aren’t as straightforward as they seem. Stories are circulating that just don’t add up. They seem inconsistent and contradictory.
On Ismail Hamiyeh — How is the leader of a fractured society where 30% of its population remains as refugees, a multi-millionaire looking pretty with a clean-shaven beard and fancy suit living not in Palestine, but all the way in Qatar?
Since his party Hamas took control of the Gaza Strip in 2007, there have been allegations of human rights abuses, suppression of dissent, and mismanagement, leading to its deteriorating living conditions. How is he allowing such devastation to his people, with bombings reducing them to bits and pieces, pulling bodies from under rubble and cement? How can he allow his country to deteriorate to this extent?
Next, how is he responsible for rejecting numerous peace initiatives and refusing to recognize the state of Israel, which has hindered efforts to achieve a peaceful resolution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict? Not only that, his party Hamas has set its charter and ideology for the establishment of an Islamic state in place of Israel, which is anti-Semitic and advocates violence.
Next, on Benjamin Netanyahu — How could the leader of a supposed free world, aware of the October 7 attacks by Hamas, allow it to happen to his people, young people no doubt, at a music festival promoting peace? Were they just pawns on his chessboard for a larger plot at play, to completely eradicate Hamas? And let’s pretend for a second you argue with me that he wasn’t aware. My question is for all the robust security apparatus of the IDF, how could it have failed to prevent such an attack?
Under Bibi’s leadership, he has been advocating for expanding Israeli settlements in the occupied West Bank, a move which has been criticized both domestically and internationally. The people obviously don’t agree. These actions have been viewed as contributing to increased tensions and are considered obstacles to the peace process with the Palestinians.
When is it enough? When does the “right to defend itself” cross over to “going too far”? It does when more than 31,500 Palestinian civilians have been killed, (statistic https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/vivian-balakrishnan-israel-working-visit-immediate-humanitarian-ceasefire-gaza-netanyahu-4208726) in the IDF’s attempts to rid of members of Hamas in underground tunnels.
Finally, how is it that these men are in charge? They are accountable to their people. The people of Palestine, and Israel. They will be held responsible for the repercussions. Whatever they do, or don’t do, will have consequences on their people.
The Middle East serves as a vivid reminder of the dangers that arise when history, religion, and politics come together in a highly flammable combustible mix. The trail of destruction has already come and went with too many lives lost.
Back in our first world
The aftermath of this bloodbath back in our first world shows heightened sensitivities, distrust, divisiveness and friendships torn. As a Singaporean who has walked the walk, I understand and emphasize that we cannot afford to be indifferent to this conflict, where its residual effects bleed into us directly.
To paraphrase our Foreign Minister Vivian Balakrishnan, I maintain that it is crucial that we do not allow Middle Eastern conflicts to divide what we have already established back home — a flourishing country with many languages, many races, and many religions.
I have to harp on this because it’s the very core of the Singaporean identity.
It is even in our pledge.
“We, the citizens of Singapore, pledge ourselves as one united people, regardless of race, language or religion, to build a democratic society based on justice and equality so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation.”
— The National Pledge of Singapore
It did make me sad when my Muslim friends decided to call it quits and break up with me. One of them even decided to send me a personal message, and I paraphrase — “you have your personal opinions and so do I. We don’t align at this moment, and I wish you all the best” and then proceeded to pull the hypothetical rug from under the table of our friendship and swiftly unfollowed me.
To give you some context — this was the same person whose mischievous little pet dog stole my panties and hid it under its owner’s bed — that we later all had a huge laugh about. This was the same person whom I watched the horrific stories of serial killer Jeffrey Dammar with on his huge flat-screen TV in the living room. This was the same person who carried my suitcases up 3 flights of stairs in an apartment with no lift.
This was my accommodation host whom I spent 2 weeks in the UK, when I completed my 49-day Europe trip 2 years ago.
This makes me sad, because, first, it was evident that he did not fully read everything I’ve had to say, and I’ve always been a firm believer in being able to maintain relationships with people with varying beliefs. It’s at the forefront of the entire diversity movement. It’s at the core of my Singaporean identity.
I wanted to effectively convey the importance of maintaining a neutral perspective, supporting him in a way that would help him understand and appreciate its value.
Second, in that moment, I knew in my heart there was nothing I could say to them that would change their view. Whatever preconceived ideas they already had existed towards even just mentioning the word “Israel.”
While it gives me some solace knowing that the people who truly love me do so unconditionally, understanding and supporting what I have to say, ending certain cycles is inevitable and has to be accepted. However, it is hard to do that when you romanticize someone’s role in your life — in my case, my UK hosts.
During my 49-day tour around Europe, I was concurrently finalizing the purchase of a property in the Philippines, with my long-time dream to start a home rental business. To get some ideas for my new venture, I stayed with local hosts in Europe and the UK to experience firsthand what being a guest felt like. This exposure helped me cement my decision to become a homeowner and enter the rental market. Out of all the other places I stayed at, I had the best experience staying with these hosts and greatly admired their level of customer service and quality accommodations. They were about my age, just slightly older, and I felt safe and taken care of. Toward the end of my stay, I even said to them that it felt more like they could be my friends than a one-time host. I looked up to them, and were the perfect fun couple to hang out with and I admired their hosting abilities. I wanted to commit to the same level of excellence as them.
When I was notified of a message from them, I was thrilled and excited to open it. This was short-lived, and swiftly greeted by great disappointment. I spent the next hour or two just processing what it meant, and the weight of his decision that was so telling.
Here’s where the situation currently stands. Me rationalizing their viewpoint is not going to change their perspective on their thoughts around Israel-Palestine. It is already deeply entrenched and it will not budge.
While I understand that it is discouraging, difficult, and that there is distrust on either end — both sides must commit to better negotiations to achieve harmony, with dignity intact.
I remain committed to what I stand for — peace. With the matter at hand, more discourse should be conducted with rationality and care. That is the only real way forward.
I do hope to visit Israel again. I want to visit my friends. It is a beautiful country with some of the best beaches along the Mediterranean coast. It has pride parades and music festivals and hotties running up and down the beach all year.
I do wish peace for Palestine. I hope there is a more stable governing structure for the people. This would involve not only political stability but also social cohesion, and international support to create a sustainable and better future for the people of Palestine.
Singapore has commenced its aid airdrops into Gaza while it reiterates a call for an immediate humanitarian ceasefire. The humanitarian package contains meal packs and critical supplies, including medical supplies and equipment. It’s heartening to know that the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) will continue in delivering these necessary supplies. Not only that, it is a gesture of compassion, especially during the month of Ramadan, that will bring not only relief, but also hope to the people of Gaza that are affected by the war.
Now I leave you with a poignant ending, a homage to my childhood of listening to “Jericho” by Hilary Duff growing up. This is another song by her, from the last song on her album, “The Last Song.”
“Some day you will find the place
It’s the place where love takes over hate
Then you’ll see all the things you do
Affect everyone around you
Then you’ll see there’s no fear at all”
…
Written by Lilac
