A few months ago, I ended my engagement. I had invested thousands of dollars into it. The venue required a non-refundable deposit, I had an elaborate dress in my closet, professional engagement photos were taken... It all adds up quickly. Turns out, weddings are expensive. Have you heard?
But, the money isn’t why I ended it. In fact, we were within our budget. I had been saving up for years. Not for my wedding, but for something — this seemed like a good use to past engaged me.
Leaving would cost me, a lot. I would need to find a new apartment, square up rent with the old one, and reimburse my parents and my bridesmaids for their contributions into the whole ordeal. I left anyway.
Because really, how much money is your happiness worth?
I consider myself extremely lucky. Women all over the world are in miserable relationships they are unable to leave. I was fortunate to find myself in a position where losing a couple grand was easier than staying.
I’m so relieved I realized what was happening before I married him. I was more than fine, I was free.
He had led me to believe, that by agreeing to give him a special position in my life, I owed him something: my company, my full attention, the entirety of myself. My presence was no longer a gift. It was something he had already earned and had rights to. He suffered from co-dependency. Every waking moment he felt a need to spend it with me, and, because he had “sacrificed so much” for the relationship, I was expected to do the same.
I tried to. He had me convinced this was love. I had to learn that, clearly, love was a burden.
I wasn’t a good partner because I didn’t experience love with the same intensity as he did. I felt guilty. Always. It was difficult to love someone who didn’t make me happy. I had a career, hobbies and friends outside of my relationship to him, and that made me a terrible partner. Eventually he forced me to choose, either it was him or the rest of my life.
When you finally realize you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, it’s like waking up and finally seeing yourself. You no longer have to try and be what this other person wants you to become.
You get to decide who you want to be, and don’t we all just want to be happy?
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what happiness really feels like.
I hear a lot of talk about the simplicity of being present. It’s a tricky thing to do. When you are truly living life in the moment, it’s hard to realize. It has an entirely unique feeling, you need to be patience and sensitive to it. The world gets quiet inside your head. Yesterday and tomorrow no longer exist. All of your attention is willingly focused.
Time finally feels to move at the speed it should.
I think we are at our most happiest when we just are. Those rare delicious moments of freedom. When your time is spent exactly as you’d like it to be.
Time is our most scarce resource. It’s the only thing we will never be able to get more of. How you choose to spend your time is what your life is made of.
And love is when you give your time to a person, with eagerness and desire.
I hope we know that you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to love someone. Why would we bound love like that? It must be the most beautiful feeling in the world.
We should not attempt to tame it.
Like caging a tiger or trapping a bird, some things are most beautiful when left wild and free.
There are so many people I love. I crave giving my time to other humans. When I’m with them, my heart is at peace.
To find your happiness, return to moments of unbridled joy and build your choices around them.
