Racist Rookie Mistake Of The Day

TODAY AT THE OFFICE…

I was seconds away from exiting a bathroom stall, when I heard the main door fly open and slam against the wall behind it, and someone shuffle in very quickly, and then heard the two stall doors adjacent to mine get yanked on really hard.

“IS ANYONE IN HERE, PLEASE HURRY!” Rattle rattle rattle

“Yes, YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT, I JUST GOT IN HERE!”

Rattle, rattle, rattle, please HURRY, I don’t know how much longer I can WAIT!”

No answer from the other stall.

I say, “Just a second, I’m leaving now,” and I see feet in worn down New Balance sneakers scurry to my stall. I push the door open and walk out to see a little, elderly White woman looking up at me, her eyes bugged out and mouth agape. I move aside and hold the stall door open, but she just stands there.

I know what the deal is.

Now I’ve seen this woman many times, in the hallways, in the elevator, in the cafeteria — she knows me, I know her name, but let’s call her Agnes. SHE HAS PAINTED PORTRAITS OF ME…and I’ve seen her go in and out of bathroom stalls behind other White women before — but here she is, just standing and staring at me like I have three heads.

“Are you going in? I thought you were in a hurry?”

“Uh, I’ll wait.”

I look at her and smile as wide as I can as I let go of the stall door and move toward the sink to wash my hands, then look into the mirror above the sinks and watch her reflection as she nervously shakes. I take a few steps over and get some paper towels, never letting the reflection out of my sight until I turn around, fold my arms, and stand behind her.

She yelps like a lost puppy, “ Is anyone FINISHED YET?!?”

No response from either women in the other two stalls. I keep staring as her whole body shudders and then she freezes.

“Oh nooooooooo…” I see her bend slightly, I hear a slight hissing noise, and then I see the urine running out from her pant legs, wash over her sneakers, and start to puddle around her on the floor as I stand there looking down on her. This went on for a solid 60 seconds. Maybe the longest 60 seconds in her long life. I just smile.

Once she finishes, she’s still frozen in place, and a few seconds later, one of the toilets flushes, and it’s all I can do to keep from bursting into laughter. I walk around her puddle and head for the door as the other woman exists the stall, looks at the floor, then at Agnes. “Oh goodness, I’m sorry I took so long, you should have knocked!”

Agnes’s head drops and she shuffles into the stall, and SLAMS the door. The other woman looked at me and shrugged her shoulders, then went on to wash her hands. Then she sees the open door of the other stall in the mirror — ”Hey, why didn’t you go into the empty stall…why did you wait for me?”

“She didn’t want to go in after me.” I said as I opened the main door (paper towels in hand) to the hallway. The woman looked totally puzzled. I just laughed and threw the paper towels in the trash as I walked out of the bathroom.