Do your lame Valentine’s Day plans mean more than you think?

February 12th, 2016

I was playing it cool leading up to V-day despite being in a young relationship. Bold. I know.

When asked by my Mom what I’d planned for the evening, I pressed my lips together and shrugged the holiday off like a speeding warning. If she’s a smart lady, your mother will admonish you for your thoughtlessness. “Ma, we’ll grab a bite somewhere,” I explained. My partner is the down-to-earth type who doesn’t care so much about silly holidays like the 14th of February.

My mom’s lecture prompted me to think deeper about the significance of the planning a Valentine’s Day dinner. This is what I’ve discovered now that I’m with someone I actually like.

Valentine’s Day is a day dedicated to your special someone, right? It’s a day meant for marathon Law and Order episodes and so much bean flailing that you need to ice your tongue. It’s about spoiling your lover with almond croissants, a 6$ latte and then pizza from Flatbread without the mention of the gym. It’s about dancing the waltz in S-Bucks because you’re so comfortable and confident with the person you’re with, that it DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER.

To be honest, if you’re not willing to look uncool for 15 minutes at CVS buying a card with a dick on it then you should let him/her find someone who will be cliché.

So I plan on being ridiculous. I intend to embrace my Latin roots and dance salsa. Hopefully the bartender has a heavy hand and I can forget that I’m the whitest dude ever because failure to do so demonstrates a lack of commitment. It says I place priority on my own hang ups over my relationship, over having a great evening with my partner. It shows her I sweat the small shit even in the face of our budding romance. It says, “I really care about what everyone thinks about me. I don’t want anyone to know I kiss your eyelids before saying goodnight.” When in fact, people should know this. It’s actually fucking adorable.

I don’t want her to doubt my commitment. Because she’s great.

Celebrate your relationship and make elaborate Valentine’s Day plans if it merits a gold star and if it doesn’t, stop being so weak and get the fuck out. Ben and Jerry’s has made dairy free ice cream that you can eat without fear of a stomach ache. I’m finally a cheerleader for my own courtship and it feels amazing.

Yours truly,

Colin Cortado