To my not-so-dear flaws,
Hello. I guess this is the first time that I am communicating with you. The reason it took a chatterbox like me this long to be able to do this is because all these years I have denied your existence. In the rare moments, when this was not possible, I had brushed you under the carpet. But today, finally, I muster the courage to speak to all of you (or atleast those of you whom I have identified).
Both of us know that you do not let me perform to the best of my abilities when I am stressed. No matter how hard I try, I freak out; and once that happens, there is just no looking back. The silliest of mistakes comes naturally to be. It is then that I don the ‘bitch hat’ and end up being an inconvenience to all those around me. Reaching my full potential becomes an insurmountable peak at this point. If only you would cooperate and ask your team member Insensitivity to subside, I would become a much better person and not go about being rude to the people who mean a lot to me.
You are the one who is proving to be a hurdle in my quest to become the emotionally composed, independent working woman that I had already dreamt of. Of all things on earth, emotional maturity just does not come to be. I have been guilty of breaking down at odd places; from corporate washrooms to trial rooms in super markets nothing has been out of bounds.
In your absence I would not be running to my besties with my problems. I mean come on, if they can solve it in a matter of minutes why am I unable to do the same despite spending days worrying myself sick over it?
It is a mystery how you just get into me and make me overexcited when I am happy about something. I know no one will get the helplessness that envelopes this. I know this is not right. I know no one likes it that way. Yet, you hold me captive there and there is nothing that I can do about it. Isn’t it ironical how even by being happy I am a hassle to people around?
You are the one who makes me so judgmental. As much as I would like to deny it, the fact remains that I do judge people and maybe this is what is not allowing the real me to be that loveable self that everyone wants to befriend.
This letter would be incomplete without me talking about the most assertive one of you out there- my laziness. Indeed, there are so many things that I could achieve in life if only I worked a tad bit harder.
But you know what, finally I have come to terms with all of you. You are a part and parcel of who I am, and I have come to realize that with due dedication and a certain amount of planning, I will be able to tackle all of you, one after the other. With that I will emerge a more positive self, one who is by and large loveable.
Till then, take this letter as a fair warning that you shall be diminished soon. For like I said earlier, my accepting your presence is the first step in conquering you.
A more confident self