A Life Cycle Reborn
Chapter 4 Into the Blank
There is no going back, no rescue and no doctor resuscitating me. That was the end. It was fast, too fast, I feel like the joke is on me and this is just a dream, but it is not. I am no longer Robin. I am nothing, a spirit, energy, whatever you want to call it; all I know is that I am nothing now. It is funny in a dark sort of way because I always wanted to go out fast. I was never fond of pain, but the only thing about going out so quickly is that I can’t help, but feel that I never got to say goodbye. It is queer how wishes come true. At least I got to be with my family on my last day, seeing my mom and dad, Samantha, Brandon, and Samantha’s boyfriend Phil and leaving this world with Kyle, my love and best friend at my side. I can take some comfort in knowing that I didn’t die alone in some hospital bed. Am I disappointed? Yes for sure, there was so much that I wanted to do with the life that I had. I wanted to grow old and be with my loved ones. Will I miss them? Of course, my core aches to be with them and be Robin again, but time will heal and I hate to say this, but it’s true, once I make a decision I will forget who I was, I will forget my life as Robin when I make a choice. I will explain the choice a little later and instead move forward and explain some more about the aftermath.
Kyle survived the crash. My side of the car took the brunt of the hit, and now Kyle is in a hospital, in a medically induced coma for his body to heal. He had no breaks or permanent damage, just some severe bruising that the medical professionals prefer he heals in sleep. He is expected to make a full recovery, and my parents already called his. They are driving to the hospital now. My parents are more reacting in a state of total numbness and this is a good thing because they need to think about Kyle and everyone that they need to phone. The family will have their time to grieve, but right now people need to be told what happened.
As for the rest that were involved in the accident; the driver to blame was indeed texting someone which caused four cars to collide with multiple passengers. He caused injuries to others and one death for being careless. The police were able to retrieve the data off his phone as proof that he was distracted.
This absolutely sucks big time. You always hear about these things happening to people in the news. It is sad for everyone left behind. I guess, in a selfish sort of way I am grieving the loss of my own life and how I will miss all of those souls that I have left behind in my life as Robin. I loved them all so much, but at the same time, I am happy that Kyle will be okay. It is hard enough to lose a member of your family, but the loss of two lives at once. That gives me some relief that the family only lost me.
So, I am dead now, and this state that I am in what is it? I had a Catholic upbringing in my life as Robin. I didn’t go to church every week, or every year for that matter. I didn’t say prayers before I went to bed or anything like that. Do I believe in a god? Yes, I believe that there is some greater unknown in the universe that we on earth have named as a God, or Father. I believe it to be much more than we have perceived it to be. I can’t describe it, my soul just knows there is something more, and even in the state that I am in, I still don’t know what this heaven is. I haven’t run into anyone that has died before me, from my life as Robin nor have I met God, or any angelic figures; nothing has come to bring me to heaven. Go figure, I went to a catholic school growing up, and we were taught that when you die you go to heaven and meet God and reunite with all the loved ones that you have lost. In this state, I can think and I feel like I have a body but I don’t. I am free and I remember the life I left behind, but it is nothing like what I was taught.
In this state, I remember everything that my soul has experienced. This is weird for me to describe, but let me put it this way. Have you ever wondered how stories of fairies, dragons, centaurs, griffons, vampires, werewolves and creatures came about? They don’t exist on Earth. Even the concept of time travel, or the idea of traveling to other worlds with life in the universe? Hell, so many sci-fi shows and movies capture the attention of many. How do you think writers have been able to imagine such creative unique creatures and worlds?
Let me tone this down a bit and step back. Have you ever had a dream that you were flying, or falling? Do you remember how vivid those dreams were? That it truly felt like you were in the air. How do you suppose you know what those feelings are without actually experiencing that? You don’t. In my life as Robin, I had the experience of going sky diving. I only did it once, but I never forgot the feeling. The feeling of falling from thousands of feet, it is something that you never forget. The feeling you get in your stomach, that heart stopping feeling the wind going passed you as you are accelerating to earth, and your adrenaline coursing in your veins as you scream at the top of your lungs, only the funny thing is you can’t hear yourself scream because you are falling too fast. I remember thinking to myself how amazing that was, but I found it so weird that the dreams that I have had up to that point, the dream I used to get where I was falling off a cliff and waking up just before I hit the ground. I couldn’t help, but compare that, that dream, the feeling of falling, was exactly the same feeling. How do you suppose that I knew that feeling of falling before actually experiencing it? It is because you have experienced it before, but the experience was in another life.
These writers and storytellers that imagine fictional characters, creatures and worlds, they didn’t imagine it out of thin air. What we see and experience influences us. All of these storytellers have seen these things and places at some point, but it was in another life. It is the soul bringing that recollection to light for us. The writers and the readers know nothing more than calling it fiction, or a great imagination, but really, it is a truth, from a previous life, and we pawn it off as creative thinking.
In this state that I am in I have the comfort of knowing who I truly am, and I remember my lives before I was Robin.
Thank you for reading this chapter and if you enjoyed remember to tap that green heart & read Chapter 5 Travel and Rest here!