I Called A Disgusting Plus-Sized Woman Beautiful But She Still Didn’t Blow Me
Ellie Guzman
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Your problem is the women in your life have convinced you that being a pussy is sexy. Sorry, bro, but it’s not. You’re mincing in there sounding like King Fucking Lancelot and what she’s seeing is “emasculated manipulable momma’s boy”. Welcome to the jungle, dude. Who were the cheerleaders screwing in high school, the nice thoughtful boys or the football players? Right. So you gotta be a football player. You gotta be the asshole. Get that shit down and it’s Welcome to Laid City, man, population You.

Okay, like, here’s a good opener—what you gotta do is tell them to smile, see? Shows confidence. Get up there and be all “Girl, you’d actually be pretty if you smiled.” Don’t smile or flirt, you just say that shit cold. It’s a neg, see? Like, you’re implying she’s not pretty, and she’s not used to that, so it sets you apart from all the other desperate chumps and puts her in the position of proving her value to you. It’s all about that inner game, bro. Confidence, know what I’m saying?

My wingman Chad (“StealthDevil666” on the forums, if you want to see more of his work) has this thing he’ll do where he’ll approach some smoking hot girl—like a 9 or a 10—and be all “Girl, you FAT.” And then when the shit hits the fan, he’s all like “Man, you bitches high-maintenance,” or something, and he’ll just go on like that. That shit is serious gold. Never apologize—that’s total cuck behavior, man. Girls gonna get crazy, and a bro just rolls with it. Girls want a man who isn’t fazed by hysterical behavior. Stare her down and that’s hardcore jungle cred right there, man.

Yo, listen, hit me up sometime, hey? I’m not allowed in most of the bars around here, but there’s a pretty sweet Applebee’s within walking distance and it’s got more sarging potential than you’d think. Or if you got a car, we could hit up some of the places in the city. My man IceDude98 knows a sports bar in SoHo and let me tell you, those bitches have more daddy issues than Luke Skywalker. Never gone a night without one of my lines working over there.

Laid City, man. Don’t forget it. Know what I’m saying?