Misunderstanding and Misdirection run my life.

I sit in the black void of a room; can hardly see the paper I’m writing on but the darkness brings me focus. Light helps us see but with the absence of light, you must focus harder. But that is beside the point; life has gotten to the point of misunderstanding and misdirection… But where did this come from? I can’t help but look back at old memories and find the reason.

I think back to my first memory, I am sitting in my room back to the door, playing with my toys. The wide room has an enclosed closet in the back, a wooden bunk bed and dinosaur wallpaper around the room. Ever since I was a child I had strange thoughts race through my mind. This was the first time it had happened to me. One of the only memories I had left of these thoughts. As I sat upon the floor I hear the door slam behind me, I spin around to look at the door but as I do the room spins along with me. I fall backwards hitting the floor with a thud; I then hear shouting at me “TAKE A DRINK, JUST A SIP!” and “DON’T LISTEN TO ANYONE THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR LIFE!” I then reappear where I was before sitting normally just playing with my toys. I ignore these thoughts thinking of them as only daydreams, daydreams I tell myself, that was all. But in actuality these thoughts would relate to my future…

I sit in the void room thinking of all these memories of my past. They are painted throughout my mind once again. I only wish I could go back to those days… After some time of pondering however I still cannot answer my own question of where my misunderstanding and misdirection came from. I decide to think more, the answer had to be somewhere out there, then one of my greatest memories comes to my mind, my sweetheart.

I sit at the table of our apartment we are living in during college. She is cutting vegetables evenly and orderly. The apartment is of unfortunate size with only two rooms and a living room in the apartment. We had different rooms so we could respect our religious beliefs. I sit there, the daily newspaper in hand reading an article by a 75 year old man with dementia. In a daze I read the article studying every word as I go…

…If I could give anyone younger

than me some advice it would be

finish your life as quick as you can…

I took that section to heart because I did want to finish my life before I was old. In the next week I take my sweetheart for a drive in my 64 Thunderbird. Parked it at the place I fell in love with her and continued life. We were married August 31 under an old willow tree beside our friends and family. We had 2 kids and spent the rest of our lives together through sickness and in health. We went through every up and down like we were on a roller coaster just coasting along. Until of course she got diagnosed with cancer, I stayed by her side every moment recounting the stories we had together laughing and smiling along. Our kids were off doing their own things however and couldn’t visit her. Our son went off to Africa to help, after a series of plagues struck the area, while our baby girl was in the ocean studying marine life following what her mother always wanted to do. As it got worse I began to tell her everyday how much I loved her because I never wanted her to miss out on her knowing how much I did. Her time on Earth was fading and I was overcome with grief. My final words to her were simple but full of meaning “I love you” I said. She gives me a smile and says back “I love you too… sometimes” we laugh at the joke and I told her goodnight. Misunderstanding came to me as I wondered if I truly did complete my life… I had the woman of my dreams, the perfect family but I still felt rushed and missing out on life.

I again was in the darkness of the room striding back and forth as I thought why did I listen to that article? As a child I had known not to listen to others, they didn’t understand me, I had rushed my life anyways. All this thinking still hadn’t solved my question. WHERE DID ALL THIS MISUNDERSTANDING COME FROM!?! I take a step back and remember an even older crevice in the room. It was darker than the other parts of the room so that it may be forgotten and hard to find. I find it though easily and without searching, I reach in and grab a bottle from within. A dusty Whiskey bottle ends up within my hand. The bottle brings up another crusted and dry memory…

As a teenager I had gotten big into drinking. At first it was only for parties and celebration then went down drastically as misdirection entered my life. Before my wife, there was another lady in my life my Ex, in essence the beginning of the drinking problem. When I started drinking, the drink had always been in my hand but as I went through the relationship with my Ex; the drink slowly began to hold me, against my will. My Ex misused me, as if I was a puppet and she took my strings and drug me along, until she found someone new. She then would take those strings of mine and *snip the tether was gone. I was then shredded and torn apart until she fixed my strings. But the fixed strings didn’t last as long because she then went *snip and I was once again alone. I fled from that understanding because I had learned it was incorrect and wrong but I ran straight into the cold, dry, and stingy hands of alcohol. I began to feel anger, stress, and hatred for everything. A couple weeks later my Ex tells me she is at the Motel. An old inn where we first met each other, I decided to take this as an invitation. As I swerve there in hatred and drunkenness I see the neon red sign in front of me, beckoning me towards her…

I wish not to think of the thought anymore so I once again reside in the void. I throw the bottle in frustration, not wanting to go back anymore because I remember as a child being tempted to drink… but i had. The bottle smashes into the wall causing a crack and from the outside a bright light shines in. It blinds me for a moment; I look back into the void with the light now shining in and see three men with me. The first was of teenage me right before the time with my Ex, the drinking, and the misdirection. The second was my adult self before the article, marriage, and misunderstanding. But the third was shrouded and unseen. I then look at myself, old and fragile on the verge of breaking. I walk over to my teenage self and take him by the hands. I tell him “Your misdirection comes from the wanting for the future, live life in the moment.” he then disappears. I then step forward to my adult self, grab his shoulder and say“Your misunderstanding comes from the wanting for the future, live life in the moment.” He then disappears. I then walk towards the man shrouded in the shadows. Before I can speak, he talks with a tone of gentleness but with power, “Before you can take the splinter from ones eye you must take the log from your own my son.” I fall to my knees understanding who it was. “Lord you were in here with me this entire time and didn’t help, why?” My Lord walks over to the crack in the wall and opens it further. Outside is every present moment of my life I chose to leave for the void. “My help was always there for you my son, but you only looked at it as misdirection and misunderstanding, and then built this wall away from the help.” I look puzzled then ask “Why were you in the void with me then?” He takes my hands, looks me in the eyes and says “I was preparing for you to come to me, every misdirection was actually the direction you were meant to go and every misunderstanding you went with was actually the understanding you needed to come to me.” I then walked with him to heaven knowing I fulfilled my every understanding and every direction because I had finally found my Lord.

A single golf clap? Or a long standing ovation?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.