Day 3: A Memory

July 31, 2018. Krabi, Thailand.

We were so in love, weren’t we? Your fingers always intertwined with mine, your lips were almost always on me, your gaze- oh that gaze- pierced my soul with so much warmth, excitement, passion, and love. I was overwhelmed and overjoyed.

It must have been the 9th or 10th day of our first international trip. We were in Krabi, Thailand, a spot famous for its beautiful coast and romantic ambiance- which is no surprise for one of the world’s most sought out for honeymoon destinations. I think when people looked at us then they must have thought that we were either on our honeymoon or that we have at least dated for some time, when in reality it was literally our honeymoon period; we haven’t even hit our 3 months mark since we first met in person.

Despite how things ended between us I have to admit that memories from that trip are eternally cherished in my book. How could I not? Everytime I involuntarily remember a moment from our trip, it felt as if every fiber of my being experienced it all over again. It was so intense to the point that I don’t think my writing ability could do that trip any justice- and there is solace in knowing that memory in its fullness will always belong to me and only me.

That trip in general was magical; we started in Bali on July 19th and I showed you this beautiful island I call home. You loved it so much despite your hatred towards the ubiquitous tropical bugs, I remember laughing when your 6'3 self attempted to escape from a completely harmless dragonfly in Ubud. I fully let you into my life and took you to the places I love so dearly; I showed you the street I grew up in, my favorite place in the whole wide world, the way I prayed growing up, the food I had on a daily, and most importantly: you met my family. They adored you, they really did- which is extremely unfortunate given how things ended, but that is a story for another day.

We had to bid Bali farewell after a week and a half, and we flew north to Thailand where we roamed through the Siam coast; Phuket, Phi Phi, Koh Samui, and then Krabi. Amidst the bug bites, red eye flights, scorching heat, and uneven sunburns, I remember us telling each other repeatedly how happy we were, how none of us have felt like that before, how our cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

We were so happy, weren’t we?

If it was up to me I could write pages upon pages on that trip, but for the brevity of this post I will have to pick one particular moment. This is a memory I hold dear that is easily among my favorites to recall. One that to this day makes me believe in love, in all its power and its imperfections.

It was our first night at Krabi, July 31st 2018. We just got off from a long 6 hours car ride from Bangkok and we were exhausted, but we were so excited to explore our beautiful resort and the coast 15 mins away for dinner that night. After unpacking and freshening up, we went down for dinner. The resort was way up in the hills and we had to order tuktuk everytime we wanted to go to the coast. I picked a terrible place and you kept making fun of me for it, but we just laughed things off.

Once we finished the awful dinner you suggested that we go on a post-dinner stroll as usual. We wanted to walk by the beach but it was too dark so we chose to roam the sidewalk that’s in between the beach and the long line of stores just across the street. We sat down under this massive tree right across a bar where they had a loud live band. We talked for a bit and then I got distracted and started singing along to ‘Sweet Child of Mine’ that was blaring out of that very same bar. I really like that song and I was so surprised to hear it in the middle of nowhere so I naturally did the whole show; the air guitar, the head banging, I belted out the lyrics loudly while sitting on the tree trunk. In retrospect, I must have looked so silly doing all that. I got lost in the song and I realized how quiet you are so I opened my eyes and scrambled to look at you.

There you were, leaning against the tree with cigarette in between your lips. Your eyes so warm and tender, and you lightly shook your head. You struggled to hold in the smile as you murmured: ‘what are you doing to me, Carrisa? I have never felt like this before. I love you so, so much.’

I was fully flustered. I could feel my face getting warmer and I couldn’t help but mimic your smile ear to ear. I must have looked like the happiest person on earth. You walked towards me, grabbed my face, and kissed my lips. The rest of the night was a blur but that very moment is etched on my brain.

Sometimes I wonder if I romanticize it too much, but I knew for sure how I felt when that moment took place. How lucky am I to be able to hold on to such a beautiful memory, and to realize that memories are crystallized in time and could remain unscathed by occurrences related to the people involved after?