Fighting Misconceptions to do What You Love

Courtney Tapper
Sep 2, 2018 · 5 min read
Trinity performing with Fusion Drum and Bugle Corps in 2017. /Facebook photo

Trinity McFadden, 17-year-old high school student, has always had the conviction to be unlike those around her. She is someone who prides herself in not following the societal norms or trends that many people tend to follow and often chooses her own path in life. This mindset led her to find one of her passions — color guard. Performing a show in front of an audience where she spins flags and dances is something she has dedicated plenty of time to. Whether you’re out on a football field performing with a marching band, or indoors for winter guard — it is a performing art that truly comes alive with the help of music. Being in an activity that relies heavily on sounds, whether it’s from your soundtrack or band members playing around you, being able to have impeccable listening is of the utmost importance…or is it? Succeeding in such a competitive art with a hearing impairment is part of Trinity’s life that has yet again set her apart from her peers.

What is your specific level of hearing loss? And how do hearing aids help?

I was born with a bilateral sensorineural hearing loss, which means the cochlea is affected and the hearing loss is in both ears. Because of the degree of my loss, it will get progressively worse as I age. Hearing loss ranges from mild to moderate to severe to profound to total. My right ear is currently sloping to profound, which basically means I won’t be able to hear certain sounds at all.My hearing aids aren’t like glasses. They don’t correct hearing; they just amplifysounds that I can’t hear.

How old were you when you got your hearing aids and what was that process like?
I was two years old when I got my hearing aids, so I don’t really remember much but I know that when I get new hearing aids it’s really cool. I take this hearing test that consists of two parts: speech and hearing. Then they calculate the results and then program it into the hearing aid. The hearing aid fits into my ear so new ear molds have to be made. As I grew, I had to get new ear molds often to ensure an accurate fit.

How did you become involved in the color guard activity?
I was determined at a young age to be different. I started playing the trombone in middle school because there aren’t a lot of female trombone players. After proving to myself that I could do it, I decided to drop out. My band instructor wanted me to remain involved so he told me about the high school’s winter guard program. I joined winter guard in the 7th grade, and then their marching band and guard in the 8th grade. I loved the activity so much and became so passionate about guard, I decided to try out for drum corps one summer and my passion for color guard continued to grow from there. When I’m on the field, it’s me and my flag entertaining an audience.

Trinity, performing with her highschool marching band. / Facebook photo

Did you ever hesitate in your choice to do color guard because of your hearing impairment?
I was a cheerleader for many years prior to joining so I don’t think I was ever hesitant. I knew that there would be some complications but I am determined. Like I mentioned earlier, hearing aids don’t correct hearing so background noise is a huge distraction. I rely heavily on lip reading, so as long as I can see and hear the instructions, my hearing disability doesn’t get in the way.

What misconceptions do people have about you about doing color guard with a hearing impairment?

Now and then, I get the occasional “how are you doing this when you can’t hear?” But I always say the hearing impaired can do everything the hearing can, except hear. Unfortunately for me, my hearing loss is sloping to profound. My audiologist suggested to my parents and I two summers ago that maybe I should stop doing guard. That was my first year with Fusion Core Drum & Bugle Corps of New Jersey. Fusion became family to me. I learned so much that year, met so many new friends, developed life-long relationships, but most importantly, became a better person overall. As I stepped out on that field for the last time, I gave it my all, knowing that this might be the last time I performed with a guard, as the loud sounds could be causing my hearing loss to worsen more rapidly than normal. After profound loss comes total deafness. So if I had to say there is a misconception, it would be that the loud noise will cause my hearing to worsen. I say misconception because it is going to worsen whether I’m in color guard or not.

What sort of tough situations do you find yourself in because of your impairment?
My hearing impairment definitely makes it harder more times than not. Like when it rains, I have to take them out and I feel lost for the whole day as I cannot hear and have to rely on lip reading. Not everyone is aware of this, so they aren’t always looking directly at me when they speak.

What is the most difficult thing about being in activity that relies so heavily on listening skills?

Honestly, the most difficult thing is when my hearing aids die in the middle of a rep or run-through. When my hearing aids shut off, I can’t hear a thing. I would be better off taking them out. The only problem is, I have a flag in my hand. It’s especially worse when I am outside because if I put them down, I wont know if someone will step on it. Not being able to hear the music in order to keep count is also difficult. During my first year of Fusion I had a great partner named Robbie. Whenever my batteries were dead, Robbie would yell the counts so I could keep up.

What makes it all worth it when things get difficult?
Whenever I get on the field, I forget that I have a disability. There’s only one thing on my mind, and that’s to have a great show. At the end, when I hear the audience clapping, I cry because I have been through so much to accomplish what may come easier to most and I’m so proud of myself. Not to sound conceited but I really am. Not many hearing impaired people can say that they participate in such a demanding activity.

What do you think your experience in this activity can mean to other people?
Just because you are told you can’t do something, doesn’t mean you can’t. You must believe in yourself, be the best person you can be, persevere and try to find ways to accommodate for what you lack. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Colorguard is amazing because everyone has a story outside of the activity and I’m really glad that I can share mine.

This interview has been edited and condensed.

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