Always happy to see Argument Maps (Graphs) actually being used! I haven’t tried my own hand at this one, but your graph seems a faithful interpretation of the argument. I’m curious how long it took.
I would have been tempted to simplify the sentences down to the relevant points, but I like your choice to leave them intact, and let the reader make the appropriate simplifications and substitutions. I also thought the piecewise presentation was very helpful, as is making the critique a separate post (which I will now read).